I keep a calendar for the year. Your normal monthly calendar, created easily in Word. I always start out putting appointments on the calendar, but ultimately, by the end of the year, the calendar has turned into a place to put notes about things that went on on any given day. I don’t spend a lot of time looking back over it until the end of the year. It reminds me of things that happened, that I may have forgotten, and even some things I wish I didn’t ever remember. When I looked back at my 2011 calendar today I noticed a couple of things. First, I had to admit it was quite a year. And not necessarily in a bad way, although some bad shit certainly happened. It was a growing year for me with a lot of firsts and I look back with no regrets.
The year started with my ex-asshole taking me back to court to explain to the judge how he should be relieved of his obligations to pay child and spousal support as well as insurance for the children. While that should have been enough for your average douche, I married (and divorced) the king douche and he also asked the judge to find that I pay him child support. To deny this whole court date thing didn’t start my year with a lot of anxiety would be wrong. I was full of anxiety, hate, and wonder about a man I had been married to for 23 years. How could he? Why would he? How dare he!
A strange thing happened though. I found a peacefulness about the whole thing a day or two before the hearing. I realized that while it would suck if he quit paying me child and spousal support, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I would still be able to feed, clothe and house my children. I realized that since we are both the parents of these two kids we should probably share in the costs of their health insurance and what was there to fight about there (but for the fact he wasn’t asking to share in the cost, he was asking to be relieved entirely of it). I didn’t have a peace about him asking that I pay him child support, however, but within the other peace I had come to I decided no judge in their right mind would ever agree to that.
Court date came and the smugness of the ex-asshole was a little much for me, but I was there. Ready and at peace. He pleaded his case, told the judge how his financial situation had changed drastically. He worked for himself and was good at making the books look the way he wanted them to. It was January, however and he had just spent a little over $2,000 on our boys for Christmas in December, yet he was painting this destitute picture for the judge. I still remember it as if it was yesterday, it still makes me want to puke. After the judge listened he looked at me and asked me what I wanted.
It was a great moment. I work in the legal field and am very comfortable in a courtroom. Ex-asshole was not and it was obvious, as he mumbled, didn’t finish sentences and half ass explained shit to the judge. I had dreamed about showing the judge the list of shit he had bought for the children just weeks before. I had dreamed about telling the judge a lot of stuff. What I said, however, was “I’m sympathetic to his situation, Your Honor. If he cannot afford to pay child support or spousal support, I am capable of surviving without it. I do believe, however, he should pay 50% of the children’s health insurance.” And that was it. The judge ordered it to be so. Not one second of discussion was spent on whether I should pay him.
While lots of my friends gave me a hard time about giving up my right to child and spousal support, I saw it differently. What I did or accomplished from this point forward he could take no credit for. When I took the kids on vacation, he couldn’t say to his friends “yea, she took them with my money.” When I had a manicure or pedicure and he found out about it, he couldn’t say “with my money!” While I was sure to feel the sting of the lesser income, the satisfaction in knowing that he had nothing to do with what I accomplished, did, experienced, etc., was worth it. And I did pretty well, thank you very much.
So that was how my year started, but overall when I look back what is more significant to me is all my “firsts.”
With respect to my running:
I ran my first marathon in June, and my second in October. For the first time I ran two half marathons on two consecutive days. For the first (and probably last) time I ran a 15K run on my 7th day of The Master Cleanse. For those of you who don’t know what the master cleanse is, you don’t eat anything for 10 days (actually its 12) and all you drink is this lemonade concoction. So I had eaten nothing for 7 days and then ran this event. I finished it without passing out and actually felt pretty good but I did not get a PR. I also ran my first half marathon on a trail.
On a personal note:
After 20+ years in the business, I finally got the job I dreamed of when I went to school all those years ago, and at the end of this first year with the company I can say it is everything I imagined and more. I did a lot of traveling this year to some of my favorite spots, some of it with my kids, some of it with B, some of it alone. For the first time I went on a tropical vacation by myself and had an amazing time and now know its more than doable and I will do it again. I got my first bitchin tattoo and I love it, love it, love it. Since I got it in October its been too cold to show it off. While I was in Hawaii though, she was visible and I got lots of comments — it was quite the conversation starter. So loving the tat.
With respect to me and men:
I had my heart truly broken for the first time ever in July, and I’m not sure I’ve recovered. I joined an online dating site (Match) for the first time ever in August. I dated men I would not have given a second look to on the street (yes, I can be shallow like that). I made out with a man for the first time in my car and it was pretty awesome (no, I did not have this experience in high school). For the first time I had sex with a man at the end of our first date. One step further than even that, I had sex with a man less than 10 minutes after first meeting him, and no, I didn’t feel bad about it. It was actually pretty hot. Also, for the first time I kept a man in my bedroom, naked, for 21 hours. There was lots of sex, a little bit of sleep and not much food. It was a good time. At the end of the year I started my search for some friends with benefits since I’m not sure I’m relationship material right now. That is an ongoing saga that will carry me through at least a portion of 2012.
All in all 2011 was a good year. I have no complaints, no regrets and no misgivings about anything. I am excited for 2012 and know it will be another one for the books.
I will run 3 marathons and 1 ultra this year, I will do some more traveling (first stop Puerto Rico :)), I will make some new friends, possibly get rid of some old ones and I will have a good time throughout it all.
I will continue to remember that I live a good life, want for very little, am healthy, happy and content with me.
I will live in the present moment. Just like this adorable little frog .
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!! 🙂