Friday I woke up thinking a decent’s night sleep had made everything clearer. I still think that, but I also think I’m trying very hard to minimize the effect being dumped has had on me.
He told me he would call me on Saturday so we could see each other ever so briefly. I waited all day. Pathetically.
I got up early because I woke up thinking “he’s going to call me today.” I showered, shaved the legs, wore a pair of the Victoria’s Secret underwear I just bought, put on the really cute sundress I had bought because I knew he would like it, that he never got to see it because he dumped me before I could wear it for him. I felt pretty and happy because he said he would call.
The day progressed like any other Saturday that my children are with me. I puttered around the house (looking very cute) as they slept and slept and slept. They got up around 11:45 a.m. and he still hadn’t called me. My kids asked if they could go with friends out to the lake to hang out in the boat, ride on the inner tube and swim — it was an absolutely spectacularly beautiful day and I said of course! They left at 12:50 p.m. He still hadn’t called.
I surfed the net and tried desperately not to look at my cell phone every 2 minutes and will it to ring.
At 2 he still hadn’t called.
I made myself get out of the house and went to Whole Foods, got some fruit and sat in the sun reading the WW eating fruit, waiting for the phone to ring. It didn’t. Went to Jamba Juice got a carrot/mango/banana drink and walked over to sit under an umbrella in the sun and read my running magazine, waiting for the phone to ring. It didn’t.
I picked up the phone and called K. Thank God she was home. She distracted me with some of the woes currently going on in her life before she said “what are you doing?” I almost burst into tears as I said “I’m sitting here waiting for B to call me.” “Oh honey, it’s one of those moments, I’m so glad you called.” I was too. She made me laugh with a few choice and funny comments about my ex-husband, we talked about her recent sex with the ten years younger guy who can’t hold a conversation and then we talked about surfing online dating sites. She mentioned that both of her children were out doing things and I asked if I could come over — of course, she said “of course!” So I went.
I love my girlfriends. Girlfriends make the world alright. I have many of them and I love them all for different reasons. None of them are alike, they all bring something different to the table and I wouldn’t change anything about any of them.
K and I sat and chatted and then we tried to find my ex-husband on the dating site we heard he was on. We never found him but we did a lot of laughing about what we did see. Priceless. A couple of hours passed, B had still not called but I was thinking about it less in K’s presence.
I told her how I had been craving Thai food after eating a strictly raw diet for 2 months. The craving had been lingering for at least 3 days and I was almost 98% sure I was going to give in to it, just wasn’t sure when.
“I’ll go to dinner with you. Let’s go!” And off we went to eat Pad Thai and Pad Se Ew. It was so awesome and yummy and fun to sit with her, laugh with her, review the emails I was getting from the online dating site and laugh, laugh, laugh. B still hadn’t called.
When I finally got home my kids were there watching a movie. I went upstairs and the sadness of B not doing what he said he was going to do hit me. I was finally alone and it was overwhelming. The conversation in my head with him went like this:
Well, okay. You are a man who always did what he said. You said you would call me on Saturday, but you did not. Clearly this is a message. I use to be a priority, now I am not. I get that, we did break up after all. But why did you say you would call, when you really had no intent. Message received loud and clear. As sad as it makes me, I just have to deal. Priorities change, especially after a break up. Suck it up buttercup. Put the shit in the mail and move on. I WILL NOT CALL HIM, I WILL NOT CALL HIM, I WILL NOT CALL HIM.
I didn’t call him. I had some quick and stupid chat interaction with a guy on the dating site and then I went to bed. I had a half marathon to run the next morning and needed my rest. I was sad though as I drifted off to sleep.
Saturday . . . not pretty . . . kind of pathetic. Who am I?! WTF is wrong with me?