Woke up glad Saturday was over. Excited because I had a race to run and I love running. It’s what I do for me and only me. It makes me happy, it makes me strong and it makes my ass look good too! That’s just a bonus.
At 6 a.m., as I drove to the race an hour away I thought about the fact that B didn’t call on Saturday as I had expected. What that meant and how I was determined to deal with it. As I drove I said out loud “I will not call you B.” And I really felt in my soul that I meant it. I felt good about it, wasn’t quite so broken up like I had been just one day before (I tell you sleep is amazing!)
I got to the race found the other chick and we chatted while waiting for the start. Right before the start another runner girlfriend found me! It was so awesome! I hadn’t seen her in a few months and I was thrilled that she was there. I knew I would run most of the race with her, just to chat — which seemed like time better spent, instead of 13.1 miles of me hashing out the B situation which is a real non-situation.
After the race I walked to my car in that state of joy and exuberance that I always have after I’ve run a race of any length. I felt good, it was a gloriously beautiful day, it was early and I had the rest of the day ahead of me – time to head home before my children woke up.
As I got in my car I enjoyed that “I just did that” feeling I always have after running an event. I started the car and cranked up the air conditioning to cool off and pulled out the navigation system to help me get home. All set, ready to put it into drive and head home and my phone started to ring. Not just any ring, but HIS ring. He was calling me. A day late.
I picked up my phone and looked at the name. B. Yep, it certainly was him. Of course I knew that because his ring is the only one that is different on my phone. I thought about not answering it but I knew I was fooling myself. Besides, if I didn’t answer I would feel obligated to call him back and I just said yesterday I would not call him. So I picked it up.
Ahhh, the voice. The sweet, kind, thoughtful voice that I have grown to love over the last two years and four months. We chatted as I started the drive home and it was pleasant, as it always was. He made me laugh, I returned the favor and it was great, except he didn’t call me Woman and there was no break in the middle of a sentence to say “I love you.”
When it was all said and done he explained his busyness on Saturday and why he didn’t call and asked if I was available to meet briefly, as I had requested, on Wednesday evening around 8:15 p.m. Yes, of course YES!
Won’t be what I imagined, there will be no nakedness, but we will sit, catch up, laugh, smile, be friends and I will give him the things I have for him and then we will stand, he will hug me, more than likely saying something very sweet about what a wonderful woman I am and then I will go home and try to put this man behind me. Right? Yes.
I hung up the phone today and all I could say was “I love that man.” I truly do. But sometimes love is not enough. Never ever understood that statement until today. Sometimes it just isn’t enough.
That being said, I still cannot wait until Wednesday evening.