T. posted a kind comment on yesterday’s post. Among other things, he hoped I was an optimist. Am I? Let me think about it. . .
An op·ti·mist is defined as:
1. One who usually expects a favorable outcome; and
2. A believer in philosophical optimism.
I have two teenagers. It’s a known fact that to a teenager, just about every aspect of their life is a tragedy, full of drama that they can see no way out of. As the mother of two, I have honed my ability to take any perceived tragedy and give them a multitude of favorable, not so terribly tragic outcomes that COULD and probably WILL occur. Even when the outcome will more than likely not be good I am a master at showing them a positive that is born from the negative.
When my mother, who I adore, was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was optimistic that she would be healed and live a full and vibrant life. She has been healed and is a picture of perfect health (minus the regular stuff that comes with being older).
I am, without question, an optimist for the sake, and well-being of my children and people I love. The question then becomes, am I capable of turning that optimism on myself?
Truly, when I finally made the decision to remove myself from an awful marriage I was optimistic that, while it would not be easy or fun, eventually life would improve, and it did, ten-fold.
When I was laid off from one job and took another only to find it was the most horrifying and awful job I had ever had in my life. I was optimistic that something far better would come along. Without question, it did.
I am optimistic, T. I have a hopeful heart and I believe things happen for reasons that I may not immediately understand. I live a good life, have awesome children, wonderful friends and I am excited about what my future holds, because we just never know.
I think my struggle of late is accepting that the very special relationship I had with B happened for a reason. While I might not know all of those reasons right now, I know that he taught me that I have value. That I deserve to be loved completely and honestly and he allowed me to set my bar very high. I am sure, somewhere in my future other reasons for his season in my life will shine bright, and for that I am grateful.
I am in love with B, but I know that in our situation, love is not enough.
I will see him this evening, I will enjoy his company and then we will say good-bye.
I will mourn the loss of something very special but I am hopeful and optimistic that an even more amazing love is in my future.
I am, after all, an optimist.
Thank you for the positive thoughts. They did, in fact, reach my doorstep. 🙂