Yesterday I received my July electric bill. A couple of weeks ago I was dreading its arrival. Yesterday, I felt stronger and ready to handle what I knew I would see when I opened it. So I ripped the band-aid off and opened the envelope. There, on the monthly insert, was B, smiling up at me.
His company was fortunate enough to team with the local electric company and offer a product that will save energy and provide a rebate from the Energy Trust — it has produced a lot of work for B, he’s receiving record calls on a daily basis since July 1st and his appointments are booked out 3 and 4 weeks. It’s wonderful for him on many levels. Selfishly its wonderful for my ego because I know he’s too busy to seek out my replacement.
Of course, his job does require he go into homes on a daily basis and interact with homeowners, who can be women. While we were a couple I was amazed on a daily basis of the boldness of women, even married women, and the things they would say to him even after they found out he had a girlfriend. Right now of course, I choose not to think about that and just focus on the fact that he’s too busy to replace me.
So I opened the envelope, pulled out the insert, looked at his smiling face, read the little article, thought happy thoughts about him and what it means for him to get this exposure and then my emotions promptly turned south.
My youngest son was in my presence when I opened the envelope — he is an extremely sensitive child and feeds off of my energy. He made his way upstairs because my vibe at that time was good. When he came back down, however, less than 5 minutes later, he knew something had changed.
“What’s wrong mom?” he asked quite sincerely. “Just a little sad,” was my simple reply. “What happened?!” My instinct was to say “nothing,” but he hates that response, as do I when the roles are reversed so I took a deep breath and casually said “B is in the electric bill and seeing him just made me a little sad.”
This was a crucial moment because my youngest son hated B. Hate is probably too strong, but he really, really, really didn’t like him. He didn’t like him because he was not his father. He didn’t like him because he didn’t like me spending time with a man. In his words, he didn’t like him because “it was weird, just like seeing dad with all his girlfriends” who he also really, really, really didn’t like (yet he would NEVER tell his father that).
My son dug deep and fought his urge to tell me I was being stupid because it was GOOD for him that B and I were no longer seeing each other, and since the world does revolve around him, how could I possibly be sad about this fantastic change in the universe?! And geez mom, it’s just a picture!
He didn’t do any of that, even though I’m sure he wanted to.
Instead he put his iPad down, came over to me and hugged me hard. As he hugged me he said “I’m sorry mom. But you know, it’s HIS loss, not yours.”
Comfort before the storm had an opportunity to hit — from my very kind-hearted 12-year-old who loves me very much.
My life is good and I am happy.