Five days in the midwest. Five days with my brothers and sister. Five days with my parents. Five days in heat and humidity.
Awesome, wonderful, amusing, enlightening, and at times annoying.
Tomorrow evening my boys and I will fly home.
My brothers left today for their respective homes. After they left, the rest of us spent time with my parents in their room watching bad movies and eating pizza. Enjoyable. Then my sister went gambling with a friend, my kids went swimming, my parents started dozing and I made my way back to my room where I found myself alone pretty much for the first time in 5 days.
There have been numerous things that have happened over the last five days that I momentarily wished I could share with him. I’d say at least once I almost texted him — but thankfully I didn’t. Now, however, I’m alone and I’m thinking about him again.
I wonder if he thinks about me. Is it important? No. Will I ever know? No. But I do wonder.
Men are different. I know that. They are not generally as emotional, but does he think about me? Over the last 4 weeks have I fluttered through his conscious thoughts? Do things happen in his day to day that cause him to remember how he use to share those things with me? Does he experience moments of sadness? Or is this just a female thing?
The days have passed easily here in the balmy, sticky midwest — not much time to think about him. Favorite night was certainly the evening my siblings and I closed down the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings doing shots of tequila and drinking beer — lots of good, loud conversation, some even included bits about him, but it wasn’t sad. Five days with not much time to think about him, not much time to be sad, not any crying, until tonight.
I’m not quite as sad as I was before, I don’t feel so tragically hopeless anymore — that might simply be because I’m on vacation and I may regret having said that when I get home.
Right now, however, I just miss him.
Tears are done. Kids are back. Getting ready to go to bed and still a little sad.
I miss him.