I just sent B a text message.
While I’m not in state-of-the-art turmoil over this little act, I feel stupid, silly, and needy.
Thankfully, it wasn’t much of a text message. I simply informed him that a movie we saw together months ago is finally out on DVD. See, not much.
I refrained from anything close to “how are you,” “hope you’re well,” or “I miss you,” and didn’t sign it “I’m a wreck at times,” “Basket case,” or “Nut-job” in fact I didn’t sign it at all. Just laid the info out there, put a smiley face at the end and hit send.
Do I wish I hadn’t sent it? No, not really. It was quite innocuous. What I wish is that I didn’t feel the need to wonder what he thought about me sending it. Because I do wonder.
The sun is still shining, my smile is still honest, it is still a good day. But I’m back at zero with my no-contact for 30 days goal. Since he called and left me a message that I received Monday morning, I was only at 2, so not much ground has been lost. I still feel pathetic.