The sun is shining and it’s rumored to reach 82 today. Glorious! Tomorrow, more of the same. We must be on some type of weather-roll. They speculate by Sunday we will have our first 90 degree day of the year. Sunday, August 21, 2011. The first day it will be possibly 90 degrees. Only in the Pacific Northwest.
I am renewed by the power of the sun and the endless possibilities available to me. Today feels much different from yesterday. My spirit is peaceful, I’m grateful.
I’ve learned over the last few weeks just to go with what I feel right now. The immediate goal is to be present. If I’m peaceful at this moment, I should enjoy the peacefulness and spend no time wondering how long the peace will last and when the next wave of sadness will hit.
Anticipating the sadness, or the sudden urge to cry (all the same really), is all-consuming. Basically because I have no idea what the triggers are. If I wrote down all of the triggers that have caused tears — rainstorm tears, or just a few tumbling down my cheek – over the last week, the list would make no sense. There would be no connection, no semblance of order. Just chaos. CHAOS!
Today is peaceful and happy. My face is bright with an honest smile.
I decided this morning my tropic vacation should not wait until next March. I’m fairly certain I will go after Christmas. I hand my children off to their father at noon on Christmas day and I will leave that evening. I just need to decide where.
I lean heavily towards Hawaii, because it is familiar. The last time I was there was with the Asshole and I like the idea of erasing those memories with some new ones. But as the travel agent advised – there are other options: Aruba, Bermuda, Costa Rica, all within $100 of Hawaii – and a little more time on a plane. The agent said there is no hurry as long as I decide by October 1st. I am pleased I have made the decision to go. I like that my psyche decided it was okay.
Sext dude hit me up again last night – I was on my way to sleep, as he knew I would be. I saw the text and laughed out loud, then turned off my phone.
J (the original online dating guy) and I did not actually meet up last Sunday – it just didn’t work out. We chatted yesterday, briefly, and he’s going to come sit in the sun and take a walk around the waterfront with me on Monday afternoon. He’s older than me by 8 years. B was 10 years older than me – I am not sure about any of this – the age difference with B was what caused me to question his position on a lot of stuff, and argue with him (I’ll admit unnecessarily at times) – 10 years is not a lot, but it can be with respect to certain subjects. But Monday with J is just a talk, walk, sit in the sun rendezvous. I’m sure I can refrain from any unnecessary arguing with a man I don’t know.
I’ve had some back and forth with another guy from the dating site. He is the same age as me, (I may actually be older than him since my birthday is fast approaching) — He seems nice enough. He asked me about getting together for coffee or a drink. While I understand those options, I hate them. I will make a different suggestion and see what he says.
I’d like to find a man who says “Yes!” after I say “Why don’t we run 8 miles together and then go have a drink?” When I find that man, I will have found some profound potential. My girlfriend cringed when I told her that. “Why would you want to get all sweaty and ugly before he has a chance to get to know you and like you in your pretty odor free state?” Why not? Hot and sweaty is sexy under the right circumstances. It’ll give me the opportunity to know what I’m working with.
As an aside, B was not that guy either. He ran when he was younger, but at the lovely age of 54 it was better for his knees that he keep it to hiking and biking. So, I know if a man is not willing to run with me, it will not be a deal breaker.
I sure would like to experience it, however, if only once.