Yesterday was a beautiful, bright, sunny day here.
I knew, as I drove to work, that I would be leaving early. How early was the question. Two o’clock sounded like a winner.
When I got to the office I found that of the 12 execs, only 2 were actually working in the office. Score. I am definitely out of there at 2.
Earlier in the week I had made plans to have lunch with a co-worker who makes me laugh with her brutal vision of the world and the way in which she chooses to share it with me. I considered canceling the lunch because how much work was I really going to get done if I went to lunch and left at 2. After deep contemplation on the issue I sent her an email that said “can we go to lunch early, I’m planning on leaving at 2,” to which she responded “how bout 11?” Cool. Love her.
About half an hour before lunch I got a text (What did the world do before texting?) from Online Dating Dude #2. He told me he wasn’t working and since we’d briefly talked about getting together for coffee or a drink (he talked about it, I knew I wasn’t interested in either of those scenarios) what about today?
After a drink the day before with Cycle Dude, I was kind of not into the idea. After a decent nights sleep I realized Cycle Dude left a worse taste in my mouth than I had originally suspected. To think about feigning interest in another guy less than 24 hours later just seemed like unnecessary torture on a magnificent day.
Dude #2 lived quite a distance. It was interesting that he was expressing his willingness to travel that distance for some chit-chat. I laughed as I responded to his text. I knew it was a test.
“It’s 10:40. I’m unavailable until 2. I only have half an hour. No time for coffee or a drink. We can walk a short loop on the waterfront and call it good. What say you?”
Then I left for lunch, intentionally without my phone. Didn’t actually make it back from lunch until 12:30. I checked my phone and he had responded.
“Tell me where to meet you.”
Interesting. He was going to drive at least an hour (probably more since traffic on a Friday afternoon in the metro area SUCKS), to spend 30 minutes with me. I had to take a minute to go look at his profile again to see if he was the same guy I was remembering.
I have a theory about online dating dudes. (Keep in mind my online dating experience is very limited. I’ve spent all of 4 weeks playing around with it and all of 7 days doing it some-what seriously). This is MY THEORY and I know it’s probably extremely flawed — judge me if you must, this is what I think.
There are three types of men on the dating sites:
1) Really attractive men.
They are getting tons of email — mainly because everyone finds them attractive, and it doesn’t matter what they say in their profile – no one is really reading it. If you are so fortunate to get their attention and then you put demands on them — they are more than likely to blow you off because they don’t need you, there are at least 20 other women waiting for their attention and some of them have bigger boobs and much more suggestive pictures on their profiles.
2) Really unattractive men.
These guys get no email, but they email every female on the site because they figure it’s a numbers game. Cast enough lines you are bound to catch one. Right? Their profiles are usually full of talk of romance and everything they think a woman might want to hear. They are realists. They know that after seeing their picture, if you even bother to read their profile, it better be good. If you put demands on these guys they’ll jump through hoops and walk through fire because the numbers game isn’t working out quite like they had hoped and at least you responded.
and then there is
3) The man who is squarely in the middle of 1 & 2.
He’s not ugly, his attractive qualities are equally mixed in appearance and a well written, seemingly genuine profile. He usually tells you one fault of his to help assure you he is for real and not a poser. He either says too much, or says too little. Responding to this man generally comes down to whether you have anything in common and how attractive he is to the individual, not the masses. You can’t be sure how this man will react to demands because it depends on a number of factors, namely how he feels about himself and how interested he is in you.
In the last 7 days I have determined that 60% of the men online make up type #3, 30% make up type #2 and 10% make up type #1. And yes, it goes without saying there are exceptions to my theory.
I looked at his profile again. I was reminded why I responded to him when he wrote initially. His profile was pretty simple, but it made me laugh and I liked that. He was definitely a Type 3. So here he was willing to come some distance, in hellacious traffic, to meet a woman he’d seen online, and talk for a very brief 30 minutes — and she was asking him to exercise in the heat of the day on top of it!!
I couldn’t help myself. I gave him a point.
I recited my long and drawn out description of where exactly to meet me and said I’d be there at 2:10.
I walked out of my building a little after 2 and headed to the meeting spot. I saw him at the corner ahead of me, waiting to cross the street, following my detailed instructions almost perfectly. I was held up by the light. I saw him looking around and then at his watch as if possibly he was late and I had already left. By the time I got to where I told him I would be he had walked off down the path — but I didn’t follow him. I just stood where I said I would and gave him a minute to come back.
He appeared at my side almost immediately and smiled at me when I looked up. Better smile than Cycle Dude. We started walking immediately, since my time was short, and the conversation was not forced. He had a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. I loved that.
He told me about his kids, about his job, about his time on the online dating site and his experience thus far. As we walked there was a lot of laughter. Honest laughter, not feigned laughter. When we reached the bridge I had planned to go over to head back (and keep my 30 minute timeframe) I changed my mind and walked with him on to the next. I was having too much fun.
When we got back to where we had started we had walked for an hour and fifteen minutes. We walked to his car and then he told me he would walk me to mine — it was 3 round about blocks away from him so when we got to it I gave him a ride back to his car. When he was getting out I told him I had really enjoyed the walk, he said he had too and that he hoped I would not ignore him when he contacted me in the future. That was cute.
It took me about an hour to get home in Friday afternoon traffic. I’d been home for a good half an hour when I got a text from him telling me he had still not reached the interstate bridge — that’s how horrible traffic was. He was still at least 40 minutes from home. I felt bad about that and said as much — he told me he’d do it again in a second, the trip and I were certainly worth the price of sitting in traffic. He hoped I would agree to see him again. I said I would, if he asked.
“IF I asked?!” Was his response. “When are you next available?!”
I told him while we walked that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, I just wanted to meet some nice guy(s) to hang out with. He seemed like a nice guy.
He did nothing to annoy me, made me laugh so much my side kind of ached, talked about his kids in a way only a good father can, was extremely respectful and did not put his hands on me. He got another 2 points for all of that.
I’m actually glad that I went for the beer with Cycle Dude. My experience with men is so limited that it was great to have someone to compare him with so quickly. Given the choice of hanging out with Cycle Dude and Dude 2, who I will dub Mail Carrier (because that’s what he is), I would choose Mail Carrier in a heartbeat. And if Mail Carrier wasn’t available, I’d say no to Cycle Dude. My company is better than his.
Mail Carrier didn’t waste any time — I’m going to hang out with him next Friday. I’m looking forward to it – even though it’s still unknown what we’re going to do.
If I get to laugh just a fraction of the amount that I did as we walked I will surely enjoy it!