It’s been a few days, 15 actually, since I last posted here. A lot has happened in 15 days.
I took some needed time away from work; took my kids to Seattle for a mini-vacation; took myself to Cannon Beach for my own respite from the day-to-day. My brother, who I am closest to, managed to get himself put in jail (24 hours) for domestic abuse; my mother advised me she probably won’t be coming back this way for another year or two; my oldest son melted down about my inadequacy as a parent since I will not just purchase him a car. I went on a number of dates with a variety of men that I met both online and the old-fashioned way; 3 nice guys; 1 creep; 1 kind of interesting guy who is way too young for me and has a tendency to walk the thin line between nice guy and creep. And I had occasion to keep one of the nice guys entertained for 22 hours in my bedroom. To say the least, it’s been an interesting 15 days.
Over the last couple of days I have come to realize how much I love men. Even the stupid ones. Stupid, of course, is a matter of personal opinion, as are looks and intelligence. While I don’t have much time for stupid guys who say dumb stuff, I still love them. (Asshole Ex notwithstanding).
When I was younger I had a definite “type” of guy that I was looking for. It centered mostly around what he looked like. Got a thing for blonde hair, won’t lie about that. And green eyes make me stop in my tracks pretty quick. But as I’ve gotten older I am finding that it’s not as much about the looks anymore. It’s about a lot more.
Looks are important, anyone who says differently is lying to themselves. BUT I have found that sexy comes in a variety of forms. For me, if a man can keep up his end of an intelligent conversation and make me laugh, he will get my attention. If he is pretty sure about who he is and has some goals beyond getting up in the morning, going to work, coming home and doing it all over again, he can likely garner more of my time.
I had a conversation with a man over the phone today at work. I’ve never met him and this was our first conversation. It was all business, pretty cut and dry. He was extremely intelligent, had a great voice and when the “business” portion was done he moved the conversation into inconsequential personal chatter and then he made me laugh. Sexy.
Yesterday I had email dialogue with another man I’ve never met. I actually know more about him then the phone guy, but that’s not saying much. He’s intelligent, extremely sensitive, and can do “conversation” (even via email) like very few men I’ve met can. He does not shy away from intense topics, he thrives on them. And he has an uncanny ability to read beyond my words. Sexy.
When questioned by my girlfriends I had to admit that my recent bedroom guest was not my usual “type” — the type they know about. The type that catches my eye on the street because he undoubtedly has blonde hair, green eyes and a nice ass. But as we talked about it further it dawned on me that while he may not have instantly caught my eye on the street after initial conversation my “type” started to get murky.
Turns out (for me) blue eyes and brown hair is pretty sexy too especially when part of a package that includes an intelligent mind, a keen wit, a strong sense of self and an ability to kiss well. Because I’ll be honest, if he couldn’t have kissed well, his time would have been cut short in my bedroom.
While I’m teetering on the fence about who I am now, relative to who I thought I was before, and what it is I really want. I cannot deny that I’m having a good time. A part of me, the me I am underneath everything else, really doesn’t want to hurt men with my carelessness. Yet, there is this other part of me that really doesn’t care that much right now. Meeting my selfish and simple needs seems to be more important. I’m not sure I like that part of me but I wonder if she’s always been in there, only brought to the surface after heartbreak. Maybe. Maybe not.
Yep, I still miss B. But missing him is not the same as it use to be. And it doesn’t occupy nearly the time it use to.
The phone guy called me back towards the end of the day today. Seems he enjoyed our little banter as well. We’re meeting for coffee tomorrow afternoon, at his suggestion.
The email guy owes me an email. He’s a busy guy though and we’re coming up on a weekend — he doesn’t spend much time on the computer over the weekend so I’m not really expecting to hear from him soon. He will eventually get back to me. . . he is consistent, yet unpredictable.
The young guy wants me to come watch him do improv — I probably will if he can keep himself squarely on the side of the line marked “nice and normal” for a few more days.
The bedroom guy is destined to return in 9 days and it’s hard to deny I’m looking forward to his return.
It’s all very amusing and extremely fun.
I wonder what the last half of September will look like for me. The first half certainly has been very interesting.