I spent three months in the realms of online dating. Actually, that’s not true. I paid for three months of service, but after the first 3 or 4 weeks I was so sick of it all that the only time I logged on was to see who was winking at me and to look at the pictures of the guys who were emailing me. I was never so grateful to reach the end of three months. It was exhausting and took up way too much time. That statement alone led me to believe I wasn’t really looking for a relationship because if I was, I’d certainly be willing to invest whatever time is necessary.
Over the course of the 3 or 4 weeks I was into it, I spent a lot of time reading profiles. They are all the same, but drastically different. In the end, I came to the conclusion that the problem isn’t what the profile says, the problem is how to interpret what it says and what to believe.
I dated a lot of guys in those three months and the two I focused energy on (said energy has since passed and I’m almost rid of both of them) had some misleading information in their profiles. I didn’t date them long enough to determine if they flat out lied, but the exaggeration, at least on one of their parts, was extensive.
This morning I had a very interesting thing happen. I received an email from one of my girlfriends, forwarding an email from one of her girlfriends that I don’t know well. Trudy [the woman I don’t know well] is in the midst of online dating and is flirting with a few sites. Apparently she doesn’t trust her own judgment and has resorted to sending my girlfriend links to profiles of men so she can review them and give her opinion. It makes for great conversation, if nothing else.
Although I’ve heard about the consulting my girlfriend is doing, I’ve never been included in the link sharing. When I saw the email in my inbox I was more than just a little curious.
When I read my girlfriend’s note I got a bad feeling. When I clicked the link strange and wonderful things happened. First I groaned, then I read, then I laughed, cursed and ultimately settled in with my feeling of happy satisfaction for the choices I have made in my life.
The link took me to the Plenty of Fish profile of my Ex-Asshole.
It was a priceless moment. Priceless.
The biggest thing it confirmed is he’s a liar. I knew that though. You can’t live with someone for 23 years and not know they lie. But the extent of the lies when seeking a new and wonderful relationship was eye-opening.
Let’s review some highlights of the profile I’m sure he never intended for me to see.
He’s a nonsmoker. I would have to interpret this to mean he wants to be a nonsmoker, since when we were married he smoked almost three packs of cigarettes a day. Yes, he could have quit, but I know he hasn’t because my boys complain about it regularly.
He has a graduate degree. Interpretation: I have a degree that says I graduated from high school. He dropped out of college after the first year. But he also claims to be a student of the Power of Positive Thinking. Maybe that’s a graduate course being offered that I’m not aware of.
He loves to travel to far off places. Interpretation: he loves to travel to far off places as long as he can get there by car because he refuses to fly anywhere.
He spends almost half the year at his place in Palm Springs (he even provided two pictures of himself at the house in Palm Springs as proof). Interpretation: he spends a couple of half weeks at his brother’s vacation home in Palm Springs. Only 4 days because it takes 2 days to drive there and 2 days to drive back and he won’t fly.
He’s too honest. With everything I know I’m not sure how to interpret this. Possibly he dropped out of college before they taught him what the word “honest” means.
He also claimed to be a small business owner, a race car driver, complete with a picture of him racing his car and drug free. What he didn’t say is that the business folded about 9 months ago, the repo man came and took the race car about 6 months ago and he’s a daily fan of 4:20. But maybe that’s not important.
At moments like this I am reminded that the choices we make in life have consequences. I’d like to use this as an opportunity to remind myself that I’m content with my choices and the subsequent consequences.
I live a good life.
I’m very grateful.