While its true I’ve been sick, I don’t give myself much slack in that regard. I hate that I haven’t run in 11 days, makes me feel weak and I hate weak. Even beyond that my runs before I got sick were horrible, save that one twenty-mile-freak-of-nature-run.
Yesterday was my first day of feeling kind of “good.” It was raining throughout the day but I felt like I should go run. Mid-day the sun even came out and it made the idea of running even stronger. I didn’t act on it, however. I stayed in my pajamas and watched mind numbing television all day long. I don’t watch television so just turning it on caused my kids to back away slowly from me. “She is still pretty sick if she’s going to watch the tube.” I heard the oldest tell a friend. Each time the boys came in and out of the living room they asked “what are you watching,” my answer was always the same “I have no freaking idea!” You know it’s no wonder I don’t watch television, there is some weird shit taking up the airwaves and I just don’t get it. My youngest turned the channel to BBC so he could introduce me to his favorite show, “Top Gear.” I think I watched 5 episodes of Top Gear in a row and found it amusing, but still mind numbing. I was pleased that was his favorite show since his older brother had freaked me out and seriously disappointed me by introducing me to his favorite show, “Jersey Shore,” earlier in the day. Why is that show even on television?
Anyway, I’m totally off track here. I wanted to run, but didn’t. Instead I stayed dry, warm and dazed and just stared into the television for endless hours.
When I went to bed last night my thought was if it wasn’t raining (and I knew that was a big IF) in the morning I would go for a run. When I woke up at 5:30 it wasn’t raining, but I really didn’t want to get up that early and run, so I went back to sleep. I got up at 8:30 and it still wasn’t raining so I talked myself through the whole ritual of pulling out my running clothes (that hadn’t seen the light of day for a long time), letting my dog out, thinking about food, deciding against it, pulling out the Garmin and then checking the weather again. Still not raining. So at 9 a.m. I stepped outside to run for the first time in 11 days.
And it felt good.
Initially I was going to do this very simple 4 mile loop that has a couple of hills, but when I passed the mile mark I honestly thought about coming home. Nothing was hurting, it still wasn’t raining and it felt nice to be out there but I didn’t want to push my good luck. I told myself I’d turn around at the next corner and make it a nice and simple 3 miles, but right before I got to the corner this Eminem song came on that talked about feeling weak and wanting to give up and dammit I couldn’t do it. I reached the corner and looked up the hill ahead of me and just went for it. Up the hill, down the other side, left at the corner back up the hill, right at the stop sign, down the hill and before I knew it I was turning my last corner with my house in sight and my Garmin beeped 5. Just like that.
I have a marathon to run two weeks from today. Yesterday I was doubting that reality. Today I know I’ll do it. I still have a cough, but overall I feel good and I ran, without pain, without struggle and felt good at its end.
Oh, and now, 2 hours after I got back from that run, it’s a monsoon outside. Cold, windy and rain beating against the windows.
I appreciate it waiting until after I got home.
Five good miles, finally. Thank you!