Again, its been awhile. Life has been crazy busy for a variety of reasons. Only one of which is not good.
Last Monday, on my way home from work, I was in a car accident on I-5 south. It was rush hour. Lots of traffic, we were moving kind of slowly and then, as is usually the case, things started to break apart and we speeded up. I would guess “we” (the collective of all of us headed home) were going about 40-45 miles an hour. But it didn’t last long and I was once again pushing on my brake to get back down to 5 to 10 mph. At the time we sped up a gentleman in a big, heavy, old truck, decided to move from the middle lane into the fast lane, behind me. About the time he chose to do that we were forced to slow down again. He didn’t slow down soon enough. While he did slam on his brakes, he also slammed into the back of my car.
I’ve been in a couple of motor vehicle accidents in my life. But the last was over 20 years ago and neither was very significant. This was the very first serious car accident I was a party to. I’m thankful for a lot of things: he spoke English, had insurance, my children weren’t with me and it didn’t kill me. My car was fine to drive home but subsequently I was told it was not drivable and I was forced to get a rental car on Tuesday.
Probably the most upsetting thing about the incident is my inability to run. I hurt, a lot and while the pain and soreness has subsided quite a bit (the worst days being 3 and 4) I’ve been told I cannot run for at least 7 to 10 more days. That bites. I took two weeks off from running after the last half marathon because I wanted to run through The Master Cleanse. I did that successfully and was anxious to run again. Now I can’t. And yeah, I know. No running for 7 to 10 days longer is nothing compared to those who are told 3-4 months, but I still hate it.
This week my kids have been with their father. It wasn’t planned, but when my oldest came back from his trip to San Diego with his buddies I reminded him that he had told his father he would move back in with him when he returned. He didn’t like my reminder and I told him I wasn’t telling him what to do, only pointing out what he, himself, had told his father. He sucked it up and packed up his shit to go back to his dad’s and then brightened when he asked me if his brother could come and stay for a couple of nights. My response was “sure, he can stay for the week if he wants and its okay with your father.” So I had an unscheduled week alone. Sort of.
Because of the accident on Monday, it didn’t quite work out as I had imagined.
Blue Eyes came down to check on me Monday evening. He subsequently took me to the Immediate Care, because as we sat on my front porch (enjoying the summer weather we are finally having here in the PNW) talking, he said I was a little off, not together in my responses and it worried him. I don’t recall or know what he’s talking about, but by the time I got to immediate care I was nauseous and a little dizzy and my head was screaming, so I was glad he insisted. He ended up staying the night on Monday and driving me to work on Tuesday. I thought when he suggested it (driving me to work) he was being silly, but when I walked outside and saw my car, crumpled up in my driveway, I was glad he was the one doing the driving.
He also picked me up from work, brought me home on Tuesday, went with me to take my car to the body shop, get the rental car and then stayed the night again. It was very kind of him, and I was grateful for his company and concern. Even if I was frustrated that my unscheduled “alone time” was being fucked up royally. Yeah, sometimes I’m a bitch. Deal with it.
I drove myself to work on Wednesday in a rental car that was too small (Nissan Sentra) and I realized that I was terrified to get on the freeway. That pissed me off. I came home alone on Wednesday and enjoyed the time, even though I was experiencing the first of the worst pain days since the accident. The house was quiet and I was alone with my dog, so all things considered I was happy.
Thursday I went to work, again avoiding the freeway and after work Blue Eyes met me downtown where we wasted time for a couple of hours before heading to The Roseland Theater to see Slash w/Myles Kennedy perform. I love Slash. I love Rock and Roll. I love talented guitar players — he is especially talented and it was an awesome concert, even if I couldn’t move my head too much because of the pain in my neck. What I did accomplish was a very distinct ringing in my ears and a true loss of hearing for about 24 hours. Nice. Totally worth it.
Again , Blue Eyes spent the night. For all intents and purposes, I’m crazy about this man. Love him. But I was SICK-OF-HIM by Friday morning and I just wanted him to go away and not call, text, or talk to me for 24 hours.
He had to drive me into Portland Friday because I had left my car locked in my parking lot at work the night before. He didn’t know I had Friday off, because I hadn’t told him, because I didn’t want to even have the conversation about why I did not want to spend Friday with him. I think he could have handled it. He’s proved himself in that respect before, but I was so sick of him I didn’t want to risk it. Pathetic.
He dropped me off in front of my building where I went up to my office and told everyone I was a figment of their imagination (because they all knew I had the day off), I pulled one thing out of my desk, gave it to one of my bosses and then left the building and went to my car. The rental car place told me, when I called, they had a bigger car for me so I went and exchanged the Nissan Sentra for a Dodge Avenger (nice). And went home to my dog, and only my dog.
I didn’t call or text Blue Eyes and he remained silent as well. He may have actually picked up the vibe that I needed a break.
I went to the movies with a girlfriend. We went to see Magic Mike. Ha! We were the only two in the theater. That should have been a sign. We talked and ate popcorn and then watched the previews. When the actual movie started we lasted 20 minutes. It was too painful to watch. Horrid. Ridiculous. So incredibly B-A-D. We walked out and walked into Ted. I had already seen Ted, but I was happy to see it again and happy to laugh a lot!
Friday night and still not a peep to or from Blue Eyes. Peaceful, bliss and time all to myself.
I’m going up to his house this afternoon, once he’s off work. We’re going to go for a hike and I’m looking forward to seeing him and hiking. I will likely spend the night at his house and come home early in the morning, since he has plans to go to a Mariners Game with a friend. But GEEZ, I needed a break.
When I feel like this I wonder if I’m actually ready to be in a “relationship” — I’m clearly in one, no doubt about it, but I like, no make that “love” only seeing him every other weekend and maybe a couple of times a week over lunch. Every day doesn’t work for me. It makes me antsy, bitchy and hyper sensitive. Not sure what to do with that. Not sure I need to do anything. He lets me dictate the pattern, to an extent, and he hasn’t complained. It’s just that I know he REALLY liked the way this week played out (minus the accident). I’m not so sure I did.
Oh, and the Young One? A few weeks ago he sent me a text to remind me that his “door” was always open to me. My response was “Thx.” Yesterday, while in the movie theater, my phone advised me that he had finally located me on Facebook and was requesting we be “friends”. I clicked “Not now.” I’ll deal with that later on down the line. I spend very little time on FB, but I’m not sure I want him to have the ability to know what I’m doing, when I decide to share.
Alright, well. . . I think I freed myself of everything I had on my mind here. Mission accomplished. Now to get off my ass and go outside and enjoy the sun.
Wishing you all a kick-ass weekend!