Our encounter on Tuesday left me, well. . . . speechless. Now that I’ve had a couple of days to think about it I’m no longer speechless, but I continue to be upset. I’ve decided none of you are worth my anger, but seeing how an excess of words are flooding my brain, I am driven to let them out and in doing so, hopefully, let you go.
As I sat on the bench along the waterfront I was focused on soaking up sunshine and being grateful for the day. I was happy to engage in my favorite waterfront past time, people watching. When it comes down to it, I’m not really people watching on the waterfront, I’m “runner watching.” As you are clearly aware, hundreds of people use their lunch hour in downtown Portland to run along the waterfront. I live to watch runners because they never cease to uplift and inspire me.
Fast runners, slow runners, skinny runners, heavy runners, young runners, old runners. All inspiring.
As I stood to make my way back to work, the three of you caught my attention, even though you were quite a distance from me having just come off the Steel Bridge. Initially it was the tall one’s bright headband that caught my eye, but as I watched you come toward me there was more. There was determination on your faces, like I’ve seen countless times before. Hell, I’ve been in the place multiple times when I believe, had I had a mirror, I would have seen the same look on my face.
It was the look of runners who are close to being done, but not close enough. Runners who are tired, possibly hurting and who just want to quit. While I saw that, I also saw what I love about runners. The determination NOT to quit. In that moment you inspired me too.
When I see an interracial couple walking down the street, I usually stare. “Stare” is probably too strong of a word, but I look at them and I smile. I always smile. It’s an awkward moment for me usually, especially if I’m alone. I was part of an interracial marriage for 23 years and am part of an interracial relationship currently. From my experiences I know a lot of times when people are looking at you, you don’t know whether their emotions are positive or negative. Truly, you shouldn’t care, but you do. You can’t help it. That’s why I always smile; it emits a much more positive vibe.
Were you not runners this would have been that kind of an awkward moment for me. I was clearly watching you and smiling and you all were aware of it. But you’re runners! You’re used to people watching you and it was lunchtime in downtown Portland, on the waterfront, on a nice and sunny day. Right?
Maybe it was my mistake. That’s what I thought at first. Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken. After a couple of days, however, I have a hard time swallowing that.
Runners are an encouraging breed. They want everyone to drink the kool-aid. They run, they love it and they want others to love it too. They support, they encourage, they teach, they cheer (unless they are the breed of runner who believes those who run slower than 8 or 9 minute miles are useless . . . but I’m not talking about those in that minority, I’m talking about the rest of us, the majority).
My words were simple, and heart-felt, my smile was honest. I say these same words often to runners who pass me. “You’re looking awesome and doing great!”
Most times I get a smile, a nod, at times I’ve gotten a high-five or a “thanks”. I don’t always get a response and quite frankly I don’t always expect one. I know the zone one must get into to run a distance. The zone can at times be all-encompassing, and further, if one is equipped with headphones my words may not actually be heard. I know all this. I get it. I’m a runner.
On reflection I wouldn’t have been so disturbed had you simply ignored my comments.
As you all approached me and I uttered my words, the tall one’s “whatever!” didn’t register immediately. What registered was the snarling look that went along with it. I had no time to react to that before the one in the HTC shirt snickered and said “don’t act like you give a shit!” I’m sure you would all agree the look on my face was that of surprise. How fitting, as you passed me, for the one in yellow compression socks to yell “bitches who have always been skinny don’t get a say.” Really? Wow. Just WOW.
You laughed, you high-fived each other and congratulated yourselves for knocking the “skinny bitch” down. Yeah. I heard you. It was hard not to.
WTF?
Did I enter the Twilight Zone? Or possibly high school all over again?
The whole exchange upset me. It distorted my image of runners. It messed with my thought process. It boggled my mind for hours. Truthfully, it boggled my mind for a couple of days. But as the tall one said “whatever.”
Trust me, while I can be a bitch, I was not being one at that time. And for you to discredit my encouragement because of my size is just unreasonable, irrational and yeah, a lot like high school.
I’m certainly glad you have each other, but I pity you all.
While you have found something worthy in running (and I’m happy for you), you have missed a bigger picture. The picture that encompasses all who run.
Running, whether done alone or with others, is a personal journey. We don’t judge one another based on our reasons for the journey. We don’t measure one another by size, distance, or pace. We encourage and support each other simply because we showed up to do what so many others don’t. We showed up to run.
I hope you all step out of yourself long enough to get it, because you will only benefit from what so many others have to offer, even if only in the form of an encouraging word.
I’m letting you go now and hoping for the best.
And for the record, I haven’t “always been skinny.” I’ve worked as hard as you all appeared to be working to get to this place. When you reach your “skinny,” if that’s what you’re going for, I hope someone doesn’t judge you for it.
PDX Running Chick
Continue to take the high road on this…
Its the only road worth taking.
As you said… wow. Just – wow! I feel bad for these girls, as I can’t imagine what’s going on in their heads to make them react to your comment in such an irrational way. I’ve been in the thick of a tough run and have gotten comments similar to yours – and I’m talking the look on my face makes it look like I’m chewing on daggers and getting ready to spit them out – and it has never, ever occurred to me to react with anything other than “whoa, cool, how uplifting! I got this!”
Sorry you had to encounter that. But, it sounds like letting it go is the best way to react to it. Yikes!
I felt bad for them too, sad for them. Thanks for stopping by!
Harsh. All it takes it to go to one race to see how encouraging and genuine every spectator – they truly MEAN it when they say “looking strong” or “way to go.” Sorry you had to encounter such a rotten bunch.
That has always been my experience as well. Encouragement of an honest form. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Wow. I have to say, though, runners are just like any other large group of people. I have seen bickering and put downs on forums just like any other large group of people. Par for the course, you’re going to have asshats. I, personally, have not found other runners to even be willing overall to even look at you or acknowledge a thumbs up or anything. Every now and then, there’s a friendly runner, but most of the time it’s the look like “get out of my way, I don’t have time for this s*it.”
Rude and obnoxious come in all walks of life. Probably the most friendly group I’ve ever seen overall are bikers (motorcyclists). The hand wave is pretty regular, as we’ve observed on the road in all kinds of states.
Sad, really. 😦 There was no call for that bitchiness, though.
So true, rude and obnoxious behavior comes in all forms, from all sorts of people. I just have never experienced it with runners. Possibly my naivity, but I’m glad that’s been my experience. Good luck with your move!! 🙂
wow a pair of crazies! Keep up the positivity!
Thanks Liana 🙂
What jerks! Some people can’t take a compliment. You were so sweet to offer them encouraging words. Luckily that the vast majority of runners are supportive of each other and we want to foster an atmosphere of encouragement, not negativity. Hopefully you can encounter some nicer runners to help cancel out that nastiness.
I have never run into rude, mean runners before. Self absorbed? Yes. Outright mean? No. This was my first experience and I’m hopeful it’ll be my last! Thanks for reading and commenting!
It’s really unfortunate how our own insecurities can get in the way of compliments. We only hear what we want to hear, and I hope those girls develop enough self-esteem and confidence to accept those compliments soon.
This is very true. Insecurities do get in the way. Truly I had never considered that with respect to these girls, but you are likely right. I hope the same for them as well. Thanks for reading!
What a bizzare reaction to your positivity. Sorry you had to experience that and in my humble opinion I would forget this and move on with your head held high.
Maintain the moral high ground but make sure people know you’re there!
Thanks! Writing this letter helped me put it behind me. Since then I’ve run into countless other runners who reminded me of what I knew already — they were the minority. Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting!
I would like to think this is fiction, but it’s not. This is ridiculous, just ridiculous. My own inner bitch hopes that they get shin splints or a groin pull or calf cramp that makes them hobble home. My outer not-so-bitchy would love to run with you.
Love your inner bitch — my own had the same thoughts. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting! If we lived close I’m sure we would have a great time running together!
That is unbelievable – in a sadly believable sort of way…I appreciated the post because I’m sure we all have strange stories similar to that one. But I take comfort in the fact that the vast majority of runners are really nice and use their energy to encourage each other.
I take comfort in that as well. These women were the first of their kind I’d come in contact with in three years of running. I could run another ten years without running into any more and be very happy! Thanks for your comment!
Their lives must be incredibly sad. The “whatever” would have been enough, but for all three of them to comment with such harshness just proves they have sad lives. If they are that mean on the end of their run can you imagine what they’re like when they’re out having drinks or dinner?
Kudos to you for sticking with the high road.
Thanks! I thought they were perfect for each other, frankly! Thank you for reading and commenting!
Whoever those girls are, they definitely don’t fit the definition of the majority of runners! “Wow” is right! Sheesh!
That’s such a bummer to hear fellow runners treat you/another runner that way. How odd?! Well good for you for not shouting something nasty back. Good for you for taking the high road and spinning this post to the positive after the fact. I dig that.
Wow, I’m shocked. I always say hi or wave to other runners! If I would have gotten a ‘way to go’ from anyone while running I would be inspired! Sorry you had to deal with such Debbie Downers.
Your kind comments would have made my day…just like on my post..you made my night! No time for hateHERS! I only wish they were in front of me and I heard the ugly go down. It surely would have made me run harder cuz I would have had to chase those bitches down! Hey what can I say i just started this running thing and I know the “low” road would be downhill! :)!
When I started running I was in a ‘Learn to Run 5k’ Clinic. One night I was the only one from my group who showed up. I was forced to join the Marathoners. They were the most supportive group I have ever met. It made me want to run more (and better). The support from other runners – complete strangers actually, is one of the things I love about running! I’m sorry you were treated so shabbily. In the end, it’s their issue not yours. They are the ones who will lose out in the end.
As a long time runner, this is so upsetting to read. If you had done that as I ran by, I would have, at the least, nodded to you in thanks. If I had the energy, I would have yelled, “Thanks!” I mean…WHY did they have to respond that way? I think it would have been better if they had just ignored you and ran past. But instead, they chose to be “mean girls” and do what they did. What a shame. At least you know that you were encouraging and had good intentions. I don’t know WHAT their deal was! Runners are known to be a friendly and very encouraging bunch, so it’s too bad these ladies don’t live up to that.