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Posts Tagged ‘children’

Hello People!

I remember thinking, at the beginning of 2017, that this was going to be quite a year. Lot’s going on. Well, today is the end of the first HALF of 2017. Mind blowing really, but it’s true. We only have six more months in this amazing year. So much has happened, and yet, so much is getting ready to happen and it really IS blowing my mind.

 
The biggest thing to happen recently is my baby child graduated from high school. My baby child who towers above me (and I’m not short at 5’8”). It was a wonderful ceremony and he had an army of family there from Michigan and California to cheer for him when they called his name. It was pretty special and I could not believe how emotional it made me. I mean, seriously, I’d been through this before with his older brother, but man, it really got me. But oh my goodness I’m so proud.

 

Ethan Graduation

 

He mentioned, a couple of days before graduation, that he should get his hair cut so he could wear the cap – I will not tell my children how to dress, wear their hair, or anything similar – but I hated the idea of him cutting his hair. The afro has defined his high school years and it just seemed wrong for him to cut it before graduation. Instead of saying THAT, however, I just taught him about bobby pins. When he walked out with his class it made me giggle to see his cap hanging off the back of his giant afro. Despite the wind and subsequent (light) rain, it stayed on!

 

Ethan Grad Line

 

We had a joint graduation party for him and his best friend the following day and it was a success as well. My Ex-husband and I coexisted in the same room together without nuclear warfare and I got to see members of his family that I love dearly and miss terribly. It was a very good time.

 

But now that’s all over.

 

What’s next?

 

Well, I’m going to play the part of the bride in a wedding that’s scheduled to occur in 43 days. It’s freaking me out. After years, literally, of waiting for this to happen, it’s right around the proverbial corner. And although we went to great lengths to stress to each other that we were going to have a “small” wedding, which in some way sounded “easy” – it freaking ISN’T easy. The details are coming out of my ass. I’m not complaining though. I’ve been waiting, patiently, to marry this man, again, in front of everyone who matters to us, for three and a half years so I can certainly handle the details.

 

I get my wedding dress back from the seamstress tomorrow. Yay.

 

Did I mention we’re building a house? Probably not. We are. A house where finally, after the same 3½ years, we will get to live together under the same roof. It’s a novel concept, isn’t it? Originally we were scheduled to close on July 28. That was a mere 14 days before the wedding which was stressful to think about but we were willing to deal with it – but then cabinets got delayed and now we are not scheduled to close until August 22.

 
With this news we were both annoyed and a little depressed. It means we’re going to have a wedding, go away for a couple of days and then when we return to the area, he will go to his house and I will go to mine, 45 minutes away, because “our house” is not ready yet.

 

We were annoyed and a little depressed until we voiced the fact that less than two weeks more of waiting, after waiting for as long as we have, is really child’s play and not worth the effort of being annoyed. So there you go.

 

We visit the house regularly – can’t help it. We’ll be visiting it this weekend to check on the progress. Last time we were there the drywall was up and it was starting to really look like a house, instead of a shell of a house.

 

House

 

After we get into the house we will have about 6 weeks to settle in before we will leave on our official honeymoon. Every time I get a little stressed out I take a deep breath and remind myself that soon enough (99 days from today, yes, I’m counting) we will leave for 23 straight days of vacation.

 

I know this is crazy – but just last week I made a lunch reservation for us at Club del Doge. Yes, I have issues, but I want that table right by the water and made that request in my reservation. No one seemed to think it was odd that I was making the reservation for October in June. Tables on the terrace are hard to come by so I took what I think are appropriate measures. . .

 

the-gritti-terrace-grand-canal

 

So ya’ll, that’s what’s going on with me. I hope you are all well and getting ready to thoroughly enjoy a nice long weekend to celebrate the 4th of July. My weekend is scheduled to be low key, which is how I like it. The sun is shining and life is good.

 

So good.

 

Gratefulness overflows.

 

Be well People!

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I looked at my calendar this morning.  I think it lied to me.  It said my baby, my sweet little baby boy, born just yesterday, has his senior prom on Saturday.  That just can’t be right. . . I’m sure it’s a mistake.

My baby at 6 1/2 months with his uncle ~ 1994

I flipped a few pages ahead and it lied to me again!  For some reason the calendar thinks in 31 days he will graduate from high school!  No, no.  That can’t be right!  I’m not ready!

Wait. . . deep breath. . . ahhh

Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, maybe he wasn’t born just yesterday, but certainly it wasn’t more than a year ago.  I remember it so clearly.  A year ago we brought him home from the hospital.  He was tiny and perfect and I was terrified.  How could the hospital let me leave with a baby?  As if I knew what to do with it!  But they did.  They trusted me with that little life and forced me to work on trusting myself.  How could they do such a thing?

Only 11 months ago, I’m pretty sure, I watched him crawl down the hallway stopping every so often to make sure I was watching.  One month later, he perfected his perfectly imbalanced full tilt run and life seemed to change drastically.  My goodness, it couldn’t have been more than nine months ago when I fretted about getting him to give up the binky. . .  I was sure he’d be graduating from high school with a binky in his mouth.  Hmmm, but graduation is YEARS away.  My calendar is just wrong.  The binky is gone though, so if I’m the one whose wrong, we’re good.

The reality is my son is six months from turning 19.  Where exactly does the time go?  I’m not sure.  It could simply be sucked into some wild vacuum, but I remember it all so clearly.  Every moment, every tear, every laugh, every owie, every hug, every argument, I remember it all.  Every second.

When my sweet little boy was 4 he sat in the backseat while I drove to the grocery store.  We lived in Lake Oswego then.  A town full of over privilege, among other things.  As we drove through our neighborhood I saw two boys that looked to be about 16 walking down the street.  They were white, but had the white make up on their face to make them more white (I never understood this), they were wearing long black rain coats, even though it was a sunny day and they had blacked out their eyes, blackened their hair and just looked miserable.  I sighed when I saw them.  My son said “what’s wrong mommy?”  I said “Those boys are making their mommies so sad.”  He looked out the window and then looked at me in the rear view mirror and said “I will never make you sad mommy, I promise.”

That is one of my favorite memories of the last 18½ years.  I have many awesome memories but that one is forever etched in my heart.  He was so sincere, so sure, so eager to please me with his promise.  I wanted to pull over and take out a piece of paper and have him sign on the dotted line to keep that promise.  I didn’t do that, though.  I just soaked in his innocence.

He has certainly had his share of making me sad over the years.  While he never did the Goth or Emo thing (please note those are words my children have taught me, I could not define them if my life depended on it) he’s had other struggles, other battles, other teenage angst issues that have caused me and his father a great deal of heartache.

But now?  Right now he is this amazing young man who loves and respects his mother in ways I thought, not too long ago, were lost to him.  He is the example I hoped he would be to his younger brother and he is getting ready to attend his senior prom (in a tuxedo no less) and then he will graduate.

I’m not ready for this time in our lives to be over, even though I know it’s not really over, but merely moving into the next phase.  I’m just not ready.

He called me this morning from my house.  He doesn’t live with me, but he doesn’t have a first period class so he can be found hanging out at my house on any given morning.  He called because he wanted to tell me he had located the sugar ant nest and had used the chemicals he had purchased, on his own, to take care of them.  He instructed me on what I should do when I came home and reminded me of the danger to the dog.  He was parenting  me.

He sounded so grown.  So sure of himself.  So happy that he was able to do this, fix this problem, for me.  He sounded like my baby, all grown up and it made my heart hum.  I love him so and while I’m not ready for this next phase, and our new positions in it, I’ll try hard to hold back the tears as we move forward.

What else can I do?

The hospital was sure I would be able to handle it.

So handle it I will.

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