Posts Tagged ‘love’

Happy New Year People!

It feels like the last time I stopped by here was the beginning of 2017, but that can’t be right. Can it?  I actually think I made an appearance mid-year (when the boy graduated from high school!), but the year was such a whirlwind of activity it’s hard to remember.  Thank goodness for archives.

While I am no longer consistent in writing here, I am consistent in reflecting briefly on the year that has passed. 2017 was everything I thought it would be and truthfully much, much more.

When I started this blog, a long time ago, it was because I had just been dumped by a guy I thought was supposed to be the one.  When I look back on that I can’t for the life of me figure out why I thought he was supposed to be the one.  But jeez I was so sad when he dumped me.  I read some of my old posts and cringe at just how sad I was.  Really?  Ugh.  Enough already.  Once I got through that transition however the blog became all about running and online dating.

Match, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, the hook-up one whose name I can’t recall right now. Oh my goodness that was a train wreck too.  I hadn’t dated much before I got married the first time, so really after my divorce, and then my subsequent dump by that one dude I mentioned above, I lost my mind with the dating and joined a bunch of sites.

I was on Match for a little less than two weeks. And lucky for me Blue Eyes got in under that wire.  With respect to my relationship with this man I’m lucky in a lot of ways.  We would have never met without the help of Match.  We lived a good distance from each other and none of our circles would have ever crossed.  But even if they had crossed Blue Eyes is so shy that had he noticed me, he wouldn’t have spoken to me – and truthfully, had I noticed him it wouldn’t have been because I was attracted to him – he was not my type.  At.  All.  My how things change.  He’s definitely my type now.

I met Blue Eyes through Match.com 6 years and 5 months ago. I dumped him a couple months later because he was too nice.  Again, lucky for me, he didn’t let that stop him.   He’s still the nicest man I have ever met.  Thoughtful, kind, funny and truly my favorite person in the whole wide world.  As it turns out “nice” is not such a bad thing to have in a partner.

Our wedding was a week shy of the 6th anniversary of when we met.  It was a good day.  The weather was perfect, our children and extended family were happy, there was enough food and drink for all who showed up and finally we were married and everyone knew it.  A good day.


We moved into our house at the end of August. That was pretty spectacular – and difficult — it was an adjustment that we are still working through.  Our youngest children live with us.  They’ve never had step siblings; we’ve never had step children and I’ve never had a daughter.  Five months later I’m happy to report we’re doing well, but we are still adjusting.  It’s been a roller coaster and some days have been worse than others, but we’re figuring it out together and I feel like we’re ahead since all four of us actually like each other.

In October we went on our official honeymoon. We took 23 days and visited Greece, Italy and Paris.  Most people we have had conversations with about the trip refer to it as “the trip of a lifetime.”  I can’t tell you how I loathe that term.  The trip was amazing, yes.  But “the trip of a lifetime” implies that we will never take a trip like it again and on that I call bullshit.

When I was dating I would always ask the guys “If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?” I thought it told me something about them.  Blue Eyes’ answer was Greece, a place I’d never even considered – my answer was, and has always been Italy.  So we compromised and did both for the honeymoon.  We hit Paris only because we were “over there” and it was easy to route our way through Charles De Gaulle on the way home, and also because . . . “why the fuck not?”

It goes without saying I loved Italy, but jeez Louise I loved Greece! Of course by the end of ten days in Greece I had seen enough crumbling 2000 year old buildings to last me a lifetime, but the blue, blue water, the sunny, warm weather, the super friendly people and the amazing food got me through.


And Italy? Um yeah.  It was Italy and it was fabulous too.  We spent time in Rome, the Cinque Terra, Florence and Venice.  My favorite things we did over the course of the whole honeymoon were in Italy.  Hiking from Monterosso to Vernazza, taking a hot air balloon ride over Tuscany at sunrise, simply existing while in Venice.  Seriously, it was the best.

Hot Air BalloonIMG_8077Venice 2017

And then there was Paris. It was a whirlwind time in Paris – two nights but only one complete day.  Blue Eyes figured out we walked about 15 miles on that one complete day in Paris.  We took a cab to Pere Lachaise Cemetery shortly after they opened, spent a couple hours there and then walked everywhere else.  We didn’t get back to the hotel until late into the evening, exhausted and seriously ready to go home.  But it was a good time.


Anyway, we got back home after 23 days and were happy to be home, but we’ve already started planning our next trip, because there is always some place to go. Always.

In December we traveled south to see the Foo Fighters. Best concert.  Best.  If I sound surprised by that it’s because I am.  Not because I’m not a Foo Fighters fan, I am, but it was just so good.  So good.  My husband likes to go to concerts.  He loves live music – in fact that was one of the things his profile said on Match.com and it was true.  I like concerts too, but I like to spend money on traveling, not concerts so when he says “So and so is coming to town.”  My reaction is generally lukewarm, but bless his heart, he has not let my lukewarm response stop him from buying tickets, and he’s taken me to see some of the greatest concerts — I consistently walk away going “OMG that was so awesome!”  In 2017 we saw Tom Petty a few weeks before he passed, the Eagles and the Foo Fighters.  We also went to see Chris Rock’s Blackout tour.  It was quite a year.


So I’m thinking . . . here’s to another great year hanging out with my favorite person.


I wish you all good health, prosperity and lots of laughter.  I hope 2018 gives you everything you need – I have a good feeling about it!!

Be well people!



Read Full Post »

Feels like I’ve abandoned this blog, however I think simply not having time for it is more accurate.  Life is busy.  Life is good. 

This blog was started from sadness.  I thought the love of my life had just dumped me and I wasn’t sure I was going to survive it.  This blog gave me an outlet and anonymity.  Fabulous strangers told me they understood and sympathized with me. 

Somehow I moved beyond the sadness and spent a lot of time dating a lot of people.  Sometimes there was no date.  Only sex.  It was an interesting period and I cringe at some of my memories, laugh at others and am grateful for most.

I joined Match.com at the very end of July 2011.  It was such a yucky experience that my profile only stayed visible for 11 days.  I met a lot of jerks in 11 days.  Blue Eyes and I exchanged phone numbers during those 11 days but he didn’t actually contact me until after I’d shut my profile down.  I was so jaded and skeptical and sick of wasting my time when he asked to get together I said no.  He asked again and to get him to leave me alone I made our first meeting very difficult on him, with ridiculous location and time specifics.  I told him I only had 27 minutes to spare and if he was late it was his problem, not mine.  None of this phased him.

After that first meeting we dated for awhile and I decided he was too nice.  Too nice.  I broke up with him three months after we started dating because he was too nice. 

Six weeks later he called me out of the blue and asked me out.  Life has been pretty spectacular since that moment.  Ups, downs, twists and turns but spectacular nonetheless.

He has been my husband for a little over a year, yet our wedding is 27 months away.  We do not live under one roof, yet we spend every possible moment together.  I wouldn’t suggest this course of action to anyone, but it works for us right now.

My very best girlfriend took some photographs of us recently.  As I scrolled through them I saw how this lovely man looks at me, how I look at him and what love and happiness looks like, despite the day to day trials of life.





I love this man and all of his niceness.  Despite my personal feelings about Match.com I will forever be grateful that they made “us” possible.

Be well people!


Read Full Post »

Happy New Year!!

Since it’s been exactly five months since my last post I just want you all to know I have not abandoned this blog. I’ve just been a little busy.

Since today is the last day of the year I thought I’d make the effort to actually write and reflect on 2014. It was a life changing year for me in a variety of ways.

At the beginning of the year I had the brilliant idea to go back to college and get my BS in nutrition. Yes, I’m 48 years old and have an amazing job working as a corporate paralegal. As a matter of fact I’ve been a paralegal for over 20 years, however it’s not my passion and you only live once so I considered my options and made the decision. I can retire from the company I work for now in 9 short years. That is to say I can retire with full benefits at 57, even though I won’t be able to draw on them until I turn 62. Nonetheless, I thought that would be a perfect moment in my life to stop doing what I have to do to make as much money as I can, and start doing what I want to do regardless of the financial gain. Hence my degree-seeking behavior.

It’s going well, which is surprising. School and I did not get along many years ago and it’s amazing I finished high school, let alone paralegal school. But apparently things have changed, I’m a little more focused and a tad bit more dedicated to the cause. I’m officially a sophomore (based on my credits) and have maintained a 4.0 since the beginning. Please don’t confuse my 4.0 GPA with the assumption that it’s “easy” for me – it’s not; I’ve cried a lot, stayed up all night a lot, and melted down before finals a lot. Yet I’ve managed to do it, while working my full time, no-walk-in-the-park job, and being present for my kids and Blue Eyes. Of course my kids are 21 and 15½ so being present for them is very different from when they were younger. And Blue Eyes? Well, he lives 46 miles away from me and while we see each other often, being present for him is very different than if we lived together 24/7.

I was pretty focused on paying off debt this year and I’m happy to find here, on the last day of the year, that while it didn’t go as I had imagined (because somehow I thought I could pay off all my debt in a year and still manage to live and not create more debt — ) it did go well. I’m starting 2015 with roughly the same amount of debt, but since my debt load increased during the year due to my oldest son having surgery, I did pretty good. I went on vacation three times, got through all four children’s birthdays, AND got through Christmas without the use of credit. In addition, I paid off the IRS, two credit cards in full and all the medical expenses associated with said child’s surgery (except for the last $40 payment I have to make to the surgeon next week). I’m very pleased. In 2015 I expect to make more of a dent.

It’s a fact that I work to vacation. Seriously.  That’s the reason I go to work every single day. So I can go on vacation. This year I went on three wonderful vacations. Blue Eyes and I hiked 12 miles into the Grand Canyon in March and then 12 miles out a few days later and couched that beautiful trip with some well-deserved recovery (and a little ceremony) in Vegas. It was a spectacular trip.


In July I went to central Oregon with two of my most favorite girlfriends and learned to fly fish (okay, that’s not true. I learned how to stand in the middle of the river and look like I knew how to fly fish.) That was a fun, fun, fun time.


And then in October I met my two brothers and sister in Vegas for a weekend of sibling togetherness which was amazing and wonderful in ways none of us expected. We had not all been together in over two years so it was a banner moment in time.  I love my siblings. ❤ ❤


In addition, Blue Eyes and I went to the Oregon coast and found some new favorite spots we will definitely revisit. All in all my vacation needs were met.


Running fell by the way, way side. I did run a marathon, but only one. I ran the Vancouver USA marathon and felt like I did a good job. I PR’d by a minute or two in general and PR’d the course by 10 minutes so I was happy. Sadly, though I just didn’t make time for running both before and after that marathon. I miss it and have been getting back into it slowly. My Garmin broke and I’ve decided to go without one for a year and see if it changes my feeling about running. I’ve already fretted over the fact that I won’t know how far I’ve run when I have to run X amount of miles, but that’s silly. I’ve run every distance multiple times and I know which routes meet which demands. I think it will be refreshing to not have a Garmin. At least today I think that. I just want to run, and remember that I love it.

I did run a relay event with some girlfriends in November. That was brutal. Six legs covered by 3 women. Originally we had 6 women, but two of them were injured and one went out of town so it came down to three of us. Each one of us ran our legs back to back, which seemed like a good idea initially. But since I hadn’t run in quite some time (um, like the marathon in June) 11 miles kicked my ass good. Still we finished the relay and had a good time and I managed to smile through most of it.

relay run

Other news? Blue Eyes is great. I love him madly and can’t wait until our “wedding” which is officially set for August of 2017 – after my youngest graduates high school.  It’s a formality for our friends and family and while it won’t actually signify the day we got married, very few people will know that and for us it will signify the beginning of when we actually get to live under the same roof 24/7/365. I very much look forward to that. As he says, the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter as each day passes and it will all be worth it in the end. Here, here. ❤ ❤


I expect 2015 to be wonderful – Blue Eyes and I will go to San Francisco for a few days in March to celebrate the anniversary – San Francisco being one of my favorite places, as well as a place he has not been to (he did drive through one weekend on the way to San Jose, MANY years ago, but that does not count) I am beyond excited to show him this city that I love. Outside of that, I hope to run a couple of marathons, pay off some more debt, create none, continue to do well in school, be happy, stay healthy and stay very grateful for my life.


I wish you all the best in 2015 !


Read Full Post »

For the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about NOT running the Boring Marathon. I’m not firm on that thought, but I’ve been thinking about it.

It’s an incredibly busy time at work, my school work load is high, having both of my boys in the house adds additional work and I just don’t know if I can successfully pull off training properly to run in 2 months. I haven’t been running what a training plan says I should, and when I do get out there I just want to run and not think about my time, distance, etc. I just want to enjoy running for the sake of running.

But a part of me says fuck it. Just do it.

I had originally planned to run Portland because RunnerGirl wanted me to since she’ll be back to do it again. While I love Portland, I don’t love the Portland Marathon and I won’t be running it. It’s too expensive for me and it always rains when I run it and I’d hate to bring rain unnecessarily since it was perfect and beautiful running weather last year. Instead I’ll stand on the sidelines and cheer as she passes and then Blue Eyes and I will meet her and her husband at a bar to drink alcohol. It’ll be better than last year because I wasn’t drinking when they were here. It’s safe to say that is not what’s going on in my life this year and I’ll be about the beer.


My bestie and I live in the same town but have a hard time getting together with kid responsibilities, work, life. We try to get together once a month without fail and last night was the night. We hit McMenamins Roadhouse so I could get my hands on a bottle of their Sunflower IPA. I love Sunflowers and I love IPAs, so this beer was made for me. It’s only around for this month and it isn’t available on tap, only in the bottles AND they only had two bottles left. So I bought a bottle, but I drank something else while we were there.


After we left the Roadhouse we went to Sasquatch Brewing. Blue Eyes and I went to this place last week and had the BEST experience. The waiter was cool, the place was cool, we were there for a couple of hours during the late happy hour and really enjoyed ourselves. It was really pleasant. I couldn’t wait to go back. Sadly, aside from the fact that I was hanging out with my bestie, the experience last night sucked. The waitress was a bitch with a nasty attitude and the bartender was even worse. We still had a good time, because that’s what we do, but it really soured me on the place and I’m not sure when I’ll want to go back. We are not lacking in Breweries and Taprooms in this area so there is no need to revisit a place that left a poor taste in my mouth. The beer I had at Sasquatch was a 10.2% ABV. Kinda left me needing to go home.


So in addition to beer being a friend and just wanting to run for the sake of running, I’m debating the marathon.

This may sound weird. It sounds weird in my head. BUT I’m going to run long tomorrow, 17 or 18, and see how it feels. When I get back I’m going to go to a 7 a.m., Bikram class and meditate on how the long run felt and whether or not I should run Boring. I know. It’s weird, but I think the yoga in the hot-as-fuck-room will help clear my mind. And while truthfully I may not be able to think about the marathon as I’m in the room, my mind will be clear when I leave and I can contemplate it on the way home.

In other news…. I got my second tattoo. A sunflower. For those of you following along you know my first tat, a running chick, is on my left shoulder. That didn’t hurt really. I mean yeah, it hurt a little initially, but it didn’t really hurt. This one? Um, well, yeah. It hurt. A lot. Two days later and it still hurts, but I love it so much I don’t care about the pain. I love my tattoo artist and what she does — and this tat is fabulous.

Tat #2

So that’s what I’ve got going on.

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend and the weather is great where you are. It’s fantastic here in the Pacific Northwest and I’m loving it.


Read Full Post »

Hello People!

I hope you’re well.  Today is the last day of my ten-day vacation.  Tomorrow it’s back to work and back to life as I knew it before vacation. . . sorta.  I’m here to blog about the trip, relive some of my favorite moments and mentally prepare for tomorrow.

Blue Eyes and I flew out to Vegas late Friday evening.  I had worked all day and was exhausted but I was running on excitement for the trip we planned more than nine months prior.  We got into Vegas extremely late, but since Sin City doesn’t sleep, that hardly mattered.  We picked up our rental car and made our way to the icky, gross motel that we were staying at for the night.  The place had a smell.  What’s worse is that by morning I couldn’t smell THE smell, but I knew it was there.  I chose the dive because we were literally there for all of eight hours and it was cheap.  We met a hooker who was just getting off work the next morning when we left.  She was nice and had great shoes, but I will not choose this motel ever again.

We had a couple of errands to run Saturday morning before an appointment at noon.  We got everything done and were ready to be picked up at the appointed time.  The appointment went smoothly, we left very happy and a little bit changed – it was pretty spectacular and a lot of fun.


We had a nice lunch after and then we got out-of-town.  We stopped at the Hoover Dam because I’d never seen it.

hoover dam

We drove into Kingman, Arizona and then on to Peach Springs.  We got to Peach Springs just before 8 p.m.  It was dark and the motel that we were staying at was closed and laid out kind of strangely so that it wasn’t obvious how we got a key to our room.  They had a little bar on the property that appeared to be open so we went in and asked for direction.  The bartender and his one patron, who also worked at the bar, told us how to ring the bell and get our key, and then invited us to sit for a beer.  We accepted the invite and enjoyed crazy conversation about jackalopes and turtle herding over a nice cold IPA.  Then we got our key and went to sleep since we were getting up at 4 a.m.

The next morning we drove 90 minutes to the trailhead at the end of Indian Road 18, arriving at 6:30 a.m.  It was breathtaking –


We started the hike down into the canyon just before 7.



After a mile and a half of switchbacks we made it to the canyon floor.


We hiked, and hiked, and hiked.  We got out-of-the-way of mule trains, passed people coming out, and had a few people pass us going in.  We stopped for snack breaks, water breaks, and breaks from the weight of our backpacks.  We stopped for pictures.  We felt completely alone and incredibly together.  It was amazing and everything wonderful.

if you look close you can see I'm standing by that giant slab of rock

if you look close you can see I’m standing by that giant slab of rock

After 7.5 miles (on my Garmin) of hiking we got to this sign


We were tired and ready to be there and even though we were close, the last 1.5 miles felt like 5, at least.  We made it to the lodge, unloaded our backpacks and walked around the village while we waited for the check in time.  It had taken us 5.5 hours to hike the 9 miles and we could feel every bit of those miles.


When we finally got into our room we were pleasantly surprised at how nice it was.  It was simple but comfortable and nicer than the dive we had stayed at in Vegas.  We rested for a couple of hours and then made the two-mile hike to Havasu Falls.  As if it hadn’t been worth it already (it had) the falls were what it was all about.  Stunning.  Seriously.






We hung out for a while and then went back to the lodge.  We made our way to the café in the village and ate some dinner.  Then we went back to our room and slept.  Long and hard.  We didn’t get up on Monday until almost 11.  It was the first morning we didn’t have to get up at an exact time and we took full advantage of it.

We spent the remainder of the day exploring the canyon.  Made our way back to the falls and into the water.  Talked to a lot of people, took lots of pictures, and enjoyed each other’s company.  It was perfection.


At the end of that day we reflected on the hike in.  We realized we had packed way too much shit – the huge hiking back pack that Blue Eyes carried was super full and extremely heavy.  The idea of hiking out of the canyon with it was painful – we joked about how important the stuff in it was, and maybe just leaving it – then we made arrangements for the mule train to carry it out.  We put even more stuff into the backpack than we packed in so that my backpack would only carry water and snacks, making it a little lighter.


We started out of the village at 6:30 the next morning.  Without the heavy back pack the hiking seemed much easier.  We were passed by the mule train carrying our bag two hours into the hike.  It was kind of funny to see it pass us by.  Everything was peachy until we got to the last 1.5 miles UP.  That was the hardest part of the hike without a doubt, but we did it and reached the top like champs before 11.  It took us a total of 4.5 hours to get back to our car.  Due in large part to the lack of heavy bags on our backs.

We headed back to Kingman where we had lunch, then on to Vegas where we stayed 3 nights at the Golden Nugget.  After 4 previous nights in different motels/lodges this was the cushiest accommodations yet and a really nice way to end the trip.

We enjoyed margaritas made with muddled fresh fruit at Nacho Daddys.  We danced (okay, I danced) along Fremont Street with the rest of the crazy drunk people – and people watched like you can only do in Vegas.

nacho daddy

Day 2 in Vegas we took advantage of having a rental car and went exploring.  Oh wait, first we went and had a massage.  I thought it would be wise to schedule massages after our hiking adventure.  I was discouraged, however, at the price of a massage at the hotel spa – so I checked out Groupon.  I found a great deal for a 90 minute massage and foot detox for $38 in Vegas.  It. Was. Awesome.  After the massages we found an awesome place to have breakfast/lunch and then went to the Count’s Bar which were both a great distance from the Strip and Fremont Street.  We then gambled and drank with the rest of them and managed not to lose any money.  In fact Blue Eyes won money at blackjack.  I only played some slot machines.  I put $20 in and won some so I kept playing.  When my money came back down to $20 I pushed the button and got my $20 back.  So I didn’t lose any money.  That’s a win in my book.

counts kustoms

Day 3 in Vegas we went to the Vegas Car Museum and checked out some exotics and then we found Lagasse’s Stadium.  Fabulous.  I love Emeril Lagasse and my favorite way to gamble is to bet on sports – not because I’m so sports savvy, but because it takes longer to lose money that way —  so I was thrilled to check out Lagasse’s Stadium.  We sat in the big cushy chair/couch things watching the big screen of sports.  We drank a beer, shared some amazing dessert and bet on basketball.   Well, I bet on basketball.  Blue Eyes bet on baseball.  His odds were better, and he still has a chance.  Sadly, I lost my $20 since Michigan got taken down by Kentucky (it was a good game though).

legasse 1

legasse 2

Thursday night I had to go back to our room to attend “class” online, and Blue Eyes played some more blackjack and won.  After class we made our way back to Nacho Daddys to drink more margaritas and eat nachos (my favorite food in the whole wide world) then we crashed for 4 hours because our flight left at 7 a.m., which meant we had to get up at 3.

We made it home safely, I picked up my car at his house, then picked up my dog at the kennel and went home to find my house was kind of still as clean as I left it.  The boys came home a few hours later and while the oldest tried to punish me for having the audacity to go on vacation without him, the youngest was his sweet self.  The oldest got over his bullshit in a matter of hours and then asked me if I’d cook some stuff for him and his roommates to take back to Eugene.  Wonderful mom that I strive to be I said okay and made a big pan of lasagna, a big pan of macaroni and cheese, a big pan of sheppards pie and some chicken burritos.  They left yesterday very grateful.

And here I am trying to get ready for tomorrow.  I’m ready to go back to work, but vacation sure was spectacular.  Truly, I work to vacation.  No doubt about it.

Until next time – be well!

Read Full Post »

So I pulled out the iPad to write this post.

My posts have been infrequent, if you haven’t noticed, and that’s due in large part to my employer blocking access to WordPress. I didn’t always write posts at work but it would happen on occasion. What happened more frequently, however, was writing at home while on my work computer. I still bring my computer home with me for work purposes, but since WordPress is blocked it does me no good with respect to my blog. And posting from my iPad is painful and SLOW. So there you go.

All that aside, my reflections on the past year and thoughts about the current new year compel me to write.

2013 was an interesting year.

With respect to my kids there has been some serious growth.

The oldest left for school last January, “tried” unsuccessfully to get a job, blamed me for many of his life’s woes, which mainly centered around the fact that I couldn’t support him in the same lavish lifestyle his roommates appeared to be living. He had his license suspended for a year for an M.I.P. charge. He got arrested for a few minor and a rather major offense, spent the longest hours of his life behind bars, stood before a judge for sentencing and then came home for the summer and slept til 2 p.m. every day so he could hang with his friends into the wee hours and again blamed me for his inability to get a job. But then something happened. And honestly I’m not really sure what it was but he left for school again in September and maturity began. He got a manual labor job and loved it. Loved the work, and the money that came from said work. Instead of coming home every weekend he went ten weeks before I saw him, coming home for Thanksgiving. The angry phone calls and mean spirited texts were replaced with texts telling me how much he loved and appreciated me. It was Twilight Zone shit in a big way. He came home for the Christmas holiday for three weeks and respected my rules without question or argument about smoking weed in my house. Maturity. Yo. He borrowed a little money from me, paid me back with ridiculous interest. He filled my car with gas and he cooked for himself on multiple occasions without telling me I was falling down on my parental responsibility. Seriously, I have had that conversation with my 20 year old. For the first time ever. EVER. I got a Christmas gift that was not purchased with my or my exhusbands money. Twilight Zone. But I couldn’t be any happier about it as he heads back to school this evening. I love this boy, I wish he understood how much.

Younger brother, who is similar but at the same time so completely different, is my heart. The relationship we have built since I left his father and since his brother moved out is one of my most cherished. We have a closeness that I hope lasts forever and what makes me most happy is that he is very close to his father as well. He has built two separate relationships with us that don’t rely on the other. That may sound odd, but it’s priceless. Add to that — the boy has risen to the occasion of high school and you are left with a proud mom. When he does something that requires discipline I am thankful for the reminder that he is STILL just a 14 year old boy. Again I wish he knew just how much I love him.


My job has morphed into a lot more responsibility over the year and I’m good with that. I still adore my boss and working in this corporate environment continually reminds me why I will never work in a law firm again. Life is too short to be that stressed out all the time. (I know not all law firms are super stressful but before my current job I worked as a litigation paralegal for a firm that had a hellacious trial calendar. There is no stress like trial prep that never let’s up.)

I didn’t travel as much as I like this year. One trip to Cannon Beach for a couple nights, trip to Mexico with girlfriends, trip to Idaho and then to Seattle with Blue Eyes. All quality trips though so it’s hard to find negativity where there is none.

Running was pretty low key. A couple half Mary’s, a 30k and one marathon that attempted to suck the life from me. All told I didn’t get close to 1,000 miles for the year, but what’s key is that by years end I had found my love for running again and that’s all I can ask for.

And then there’s Blue Eyes.

In September my amazing friend Jennifer wrote a blog post that I read early one morning while I was still laying in bed. She wrote about an asshole dude she had had the misfortune of meeting and within the post she wrote:

“Finding someone who . . . will pursue me and see me fully, someone who will think ‘Holy Shit this girl is a fricken catch and I’M NOT GOING TO MESS THIS UP’ . . .

When I read it I thought that’s fuckin right, don’t settle for less. My feelings were strong because I know how amazing she IS and I know she shouldn’t settle. Twenty minutes later as I stood in the shower still seething over the asshole on Jennifer’s behalf it dawned on me that what she described is 100% what I have in Blue Eyes. 100%. It was like a light bulb turned on and some things within me changed. Some things that cause me to hold back a little every now and again and rethink or possibly over think my relationship with this spectacular man whose number one goal in life is to make me happy. Who says to me “I love you more than everything.” And makes me believe him.

Our relationship changed a little. I was pretty strict about only seeing him on the weekends my kid is with his dad. Over the course of the year that changed and I see him at any feasible opportunity and my kids are okay with it. They like him. He doesn’t threaten them or their relationship with me and he likes them. This is key.

“B”, the man who dumped me and inspired me to start this blog, didn’t like my kids. It was a mutual dislike. They didn’t like him either. He also thought I was a shitty parent and it was his life mission to school me on the proper way to raise kids. Um yeah. On reflection I can’t figure out why I was so heartbroken and I was seriously heartbroken.

I saw this the other day and it made me think of “B”


Blue Eyes and I have had a lovely year together and have grown very close. I love just being in his company. He makes me laugh intensely and he makes me feel good about being me, just the way I am. No fixing necessary for him to find me perfect for him. And I actually find him incredibly perfect for me.

We went to Seattle for a couple of nights to celebrate the holidays together. We usually go to the beach because it’s my happy place in Oregon, but we changed it up and went north. We took the train and stayed in a great old hotel. Monday was our full day there. We got out of the hotel by 9 a.m. and we were out all day and night.

We went to the EMP (Experience Music Project) and spent about four hours there learning everything there is to know about Nirvana, Hendrix, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and the likes. It was awesome to be there with someone as into it as I was.

We went on to the Space Needle, Pike Street Market where we checked out the gross and disgusting gum wall (I wouldn’t stand next to it for a picture and I was totally grossed out by all the people TOUCHING it!) and we went to the Sculpture Park.




We sat for awhile and people watched, went into the Rack so I could try on stripper shoes then went and drank beer…..and then we went and drank margaritas.



Then we strolled the streets until we came upon The Taproom. 160 beers on tap. Did I mention we like beer? We settled in at the Taproom around 9:30. We were still there at midnight….

I’d never had beer in a glass like this.

I was having such a good time. A little tipsy, a lot happy, thrilled to be out of town without any responsibility. Happy to be with Blue Eyes. It couldn’t have gotten any better.

But then it did. Get better.

He said “this has been the very best year of my life and I thought it fitting to end it on a high note.” I started coughing about this time and turned away from him (I’d had an icky cold for awhile). When I stopped coughing and turned back towards him I noticed the goofy grin on his face first and then I saw he was holding the ring. THE RING! I was totally surprised. And speechless. Me. Speechless. If you know me you KNOW that’s almost impossible, but he did it.



I said yes.


So it’s all official and we are engaged.

I think it’ll be a long engagement but we’ll see. He wants what I want. That’s all.

I was on Match.com for three weeks before I hid my profile. Blue Eyes got in under the wire. I almost didn’t go out with him because the day before I had gone out with a grade A jerk and I was a little sketchy about the whole online dating thing. Then I got freaked out because he liked me too much and so I pushed him away to date other people and met another jerk. That’s when I decided I just wanted to sleep with men without commitment. Did that for awhile with a young guy I had nothing in common with but the sex. All the while Blue Eyes waited patiently for me to figure it out. He let me figure out, on my time, that he is a good guy. That he is the right guy. That he is everything I want.

The train ride home was a happy one. I see good things in the future.


Read Full Post »

Hello Peeps!  Miss me?  Yeah, I thought not.

Life is busy — it’s picking up a ridiculous momentum that I can’t quite figure out, but I’m happy, so really there’s nothing to worry about.

Hadn’t been running much.  Well, that’s not true.  I’d been running, but not very far.  I’d just run when I felt like it, for however far I felt like running.  I made the decision not to run any more races this year after that horrid Marathon in June.  I felt like I needed to take “training” pressure off of me because I half ass train as it is and the pressure just made me feel guilty and I just wanted to remember that I just love to run, because I love to run.  That’s all.

So that course of action was going along fine, keeping me busy, allowing me time to go to Bikram pretty regularly, lift weights three times a week, throw in a kick boxing workout here and there.  Shit, I even did  a step aerobics work out that I hadn’t done in YEARS.  Kicked my ass pretty good.  All this because I scaled back the running.

Then the Portland Marathon happened.  A fellow blogger, who I shall now refer to as my “friend” since we’ve met (:)), came from Texas to run it.  Blue Eyes and I went out to Mile 21 to cheer her on.  I hadn’t been to a marathon since that horrid previously mentioned one.  Watching the runners with less than 5 1/2 miles to go, run by with smiles on their faces affected me.  It made me want to run another marathon.

It was odd to be standing out there with a sign made especially for a friend I’d never met, waiting patiently (while loudly cheering for everyone who passed by) for her to run by.  I’d only seen her in pictures on her blog.  Wasn’t sure I’d recognize her.  Didn’t know which side of the street I should be standing on, which side she’d be running on.  Didn’t want to miss her, but wasn’t sure I’d know if I had!  How’s that for an interesting afternoon?

As it turned out we were on the right side of the street, and knowing her bib number and how fast she was planning to run helped us NOT miss her.  She zoomed by, saw her sign, smiled, and made some comment about dying, but DAMN was she fast.  She ran that fucker in 3:33 and qualified for Boston.  I was very happy to have been there to cheer her on.

After the marathon Blue Eyes and I met her and her husband at a bar for beer and food.  While she was walking a little slow she was in fine form after running a marathon and it was a pleasure to spend the time with them.  Here is a picture of us her husband took.  Doesn’t she look great?!


Anyway I started thinking about marathons and while I will not be running anything more this year, this year is almost over.  So I’m looking toward 2014.

I’m 98.9% positive I will run the Vancouver USA Marathon on June 15, 2014 — but I’ve been looking at a couple others.  I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I think June is a good goal.  Vancouver was my first marathon and while I’m not one who likes to run the same thing twice, I think since it was my first I’d like to see how much better I can do.  We’ll see.

More recently, I injured myself and couldn’t run, do yoga or lift weights for 10 days.  It sucked ass, quite frankly, and to add insult to injury I had the entire week off from work!  On Wednesday (day 6 of NO exercise) I took my mother to Forest Park and we hiked about 5 miles up to Pittock Mansion and back.  It was not what I wanted to do, but it did make me feel like less of a lump.

Injury has healed, however, and I’m 100% and released to run, lift and do yoga.  Yay!  I ran three miles yesterday and four today and it was heavenly.  HEAVENLY!  I’ll be going to yoga on Wednesday night if I can swing it and then again on Sunday.  I’m volunteering at Autumn Leaves 50k/50m on Saturday morning.  It’s my third year in a row volunteering and I love it.  My volunteer position is at the front gate giving parking passes to the runners and volunteers.  While I have to be there at 4:45 a.m., my shift is over at 7 — and I get to say Hello to all the runners and wish them good luck – I know many of them so it makes it that much better.

Thought I’d be running the 50 miler this year, but I have to say I’m glad I removed that from my agenda.  I’d likely be a basket case right now.  Next year may just be my 50 mile year.  We’ll see.

In other news my youngest son is thriving as a freshman in high school and has a girlfriend.  While my oldest son had may friends who were girls, he made it completely through high school without a girlfriend so I have no experience with this.  The cute couple went to Homecoming together, and she comes to my house after school so they can “study” — (I find myself knocking and opening his bedroom door without waiting for a response just to see what they’re REALLY doing, but all I get is studying) — he’s gone to dinner with her and her parents (my picky child ate fondue!) and he took her to dinner at Red Robin for their “one month anniversary”  — I told him he needed to get a job.   Girlfriends are expensive!  Here are a couple pictures from Homecoming.




The oldest had his court hearing with respect to the St. Patrick’s Day party, finally.  He pleaded to noise disturbance and got a $250 fine, and he pleaded to not cooperating with a police officer and got divergence for that.  He has to walk a straight and narrow line for six months, pay a $250 fine, do 20 hours of community service and attend a sentencing hearing and all other charges will be dropped.  It was an expensive lesson and I hope he learned it.  Only time will tell, however.

Blue eyes and I are talking about marriage.  Yeah, really.  Not going to happen soon.  He knows my time frame for marriage falls after the kid graduates from high school.  44 months from now (yeah, I’m counting).  But the truth is I WANT to marry this man.

We looked at rings together.  That’s a big step, wouldn’t you think?  It’s even bigger than you think, since money, as in a deposit, was actually put down on a ring.

I reminded him that even though things aren’t happening conventionally, he still has to officially ASK me to marry him — he says he knows and he will, so now I’m trying not to wait and expect.  Ha ha ha.  Yeah, if you know me at all you know that’s a stretch.  But I’m coping.  I’m pretty sure he’s going to wait til he gets the ring in his hand.  I’ll keep you posted.

I think that’s it people.  I hope you’re all well.  I’ve been keeping up on the blogs as best I can.  Jon and Liana are getting ready for the NY Marathon in two weeks, exciting.  Becelisa is getting ready for Marine Corp Marathon THIS WEEKEND.  Rocks has been quiet (yes, I notice).  The Dancing Runner still has unimaginable energy every-single-day!  Wendy Spin has been writing some amazing blog posts about self image, reality and training.  I love this woman and wish I lived in Colorado so she could be my FRIEND.  Seriously.  She’s the real deal.  No bullshit.

All this to say I may not write often, or comment, or “like” a post, but I’m reading.

Take it easy, and be well!!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »