Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category

Hello 2017!

Happy New Year People!  It’s been awhile since I’ve been here.


Over a year actually.


Time does indeed fly.


That being said, 2016 was not what I would call quick.  It wasn’t particularly bad, even though there were a handful of sucky moments – overall 2016 was a good year.


At the top of my list of sucky moments in 2016 would be my failure to complete a marathon that I didn’t train for.  Yeah.  You read that right.  I didn’t train.  At all.  But somehow I thought I was still going to get out there and run 26.2 miles.  It was stupid.  It was ugly and I called it quits at mile 15.  After I burst into tears and fell into Blue Eyes arms sobbing “I can’t do this.”


He simply said “Okay.  The car is over here.”  I was much more distraught over my failed attempt than he was.  It made no difference to him whether I ran the whole distance or only a portion of it.  He still thought I was pretty fucking cool.


2016 was the year Blue Eyes and I both turned 50.  He turned 50 first and for that occasion I threw him a surprise birthday party.  It was a huge surprise party with lots of friends and family in attendance.  You must understand Blue Eyes is an introvert in every sense of the word.  He likes people, sort of, but it is never his idea of a good time to be the center of attention.   When we arrived at the restaurant and everyone yelled “Surprise!” the look on his face was priceless.  He recovered though and enjoyed the party.




My 50th birthday was five months later and for the occasion Blue Eyes took me to my happy place in Oregon.  Cannon Beach.  We spent two nights at the coast and I got to wake up in my favorite place with my favorite person.  It was pretty spectacular.




Throughout the year we went to Seattle two or three times, spent a long weekend in Bend, and saw the coast more than once.  We even managed to steal away to Hawaii for a few days in October.




It was a short trip, but we watched some sunrises and sunsets


and rented a little cottage on the beach on the North Shore.  This is the view from the bed.  It was pretty nice to wake up to that!



BUT 2016 is over and we are here in 2017.  Finally.


Blue Eyes and I have been waiting for 2017 for a while.


My youngest son will turn 18 in May.  He will graduate from high school in June.  Blue Eyes and I will begin living together -full time- under the same roof, I hope, by July (a mere three years and four months since . . . well, you know ;)).  We will have a wedding (for everyone to witness), on August 12th, six years after meeting on Match.com and then in October we are off on our honeymoon for three weeks.


When I was dating a lot, six plus years ago, I always asked guys “If you could go anywhere, where would you want to go?”  Blue Eyes’ answer was Greece.  My answer has always been Italy.  This October both will happen and I can hardly wait.


Oh, and did I mention I get to wear a wedding dress in August?  Which means I bought a wedding dress in 2016.  I went to the bridal store and said “Show me something appropriate for a second wedding” the girl looked at me and said “Anything you like is appropriate for a second wedding.”  And with that I had a blast with my best girlfriend and tried on a number of things I would have never worn in my previous life.




I found the one.  And that one in the picture is not it, but its similar.  🙂  However, I refused to pay what the bridal store was asking so I found it on Ebay – from a bridal shop in another state – that had never been altered  (since it was a floor model).  It was quite a bit less.  It’s hanging in my closet now, waiting patiently for August 12.  Just like me.


Be well people!



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Columbia Gorge Marathon

Hello People 🙂

I hope you’re all well and wonderful.

I ran a marathon on Sunday and thought it appropriate to write a little something about it.

The last marathon I ran was Vancouver Washington in June of 2014, so it had been awhile.  My training was pretty great in the beginning but with school, work, my kids, my husband and a couple additional part time jobs it fell off and wasn’t what it should have been.  I considered not running it but that just didn’t seem right.

The Columbia Gorge Marathon is touted as one of the most breathtaking marathons because the majority of the run is along the old Columbia River Highway and the views are spectacular.  Here are a few pictures I took on the course to prove that fact.





It was beautiful.  Truly. 

But OY the hills.  It was a constant uphill climb that I was not prepared for.  It was an out and back course and yet it felt like a constant uphill in both directions even though I know that’s impossible. 

For the most part I did fine.  The turnaround point was 12 miles in.  Blue Eyes was waiting for me there with a hug and an encouraging word and I headed back.  At mile 16 I felt okay but could tell I was coming up on my wall.  Historically I hit the wall around mile 18. 

At mile 18 the sun went away, massive dark clouds appeared and the sky let loose with the coldest, hardest rain ever.  I started to sink mentally.  I rounded a corner and saw Blue Eyes and two of our friends cheering for me.  The friends had signs just for me (a first) and Blue Eyes had skittles.  The wall was pushed back a little and I powered up the hill to get back on the trail.

The trail was a little more than five miles before you come out and head down into the town of Hood River to the finish.  The trail is where I met the wall.

There was no shield from the rain, it was so cold and so hard that eventually I couldn’t feel my fingers.  I cried a bit, thought about quitting and then realized that no matter what I did I had to get to the end of the trail before anyone could come get me and if I made it that far it was just another 2.5 miles downhill to the finish.  So I sucked it up.

I came around a corner near the end of the trail and saw a figure on the side of the trail standing there.  The form was familiar but I was too far away to think anything else.  When I got closer I saw that it was my best girlfriend who I did not expect.  Especially not there.

Here are some pictures she took at that moment…



This was mile 23.5.

That smile had very little to do with the marathon and everything to do with seeing a friendly face and hearing her scream “you got this!”

She was right.  I had it.  I finished 2.5 miles later and got my reward.  Another medal and a well deserved hug from the hubby.




And then there was beer…..

Be well people!

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Feels like I’ve abandoned this blog, however I think simply not having time for it is more accurate.  Life is busy.  Life is good. 

This blog was started from sadness.  I thought the love of my life had just dumped me and I wasn’t sure I was going to survive it.  This blog gave me an outlet and anonymity.  Fabulous strangers told me they understood and sympathized with me. 

Somehow I moved beyond the sadness and spent a lot of time dating a lot of people.  Sometimes there was no date.  Only sex.  It was an interesting period and I cringe at some of my memories, laugh at others and am grateful for most.

I joined Match.com at the very end of July 2011.  It was such a yucky experience that my profile only stayed visible for 11 days.  I met a lot of jerks in 11 days.  Blue Eyes and I exchanged phone numbers during those 11 days but he didn’t actually contact me until after I’d shut my profile down.  I was so jaded and skeptical and sick of wasting my time when he asked to get together I said no.  He asked again and to get him to leave me alone I made our first meeting very difficult on him, with ridiculous location and time specifics.  I told him I only had 27 minutes to spare and if he was late it was his problem, not mine.  None of this phased him.

After that first meeting we dated for awhile and I decided he was too nice.  Too nice.  I broke up with him three months after we started dating because he was too nice. 

Six weeks later he called me out of the blue and asked me out.  Life has been pretty spectacular since that moment.  Ups, downs, twists and turns but spectacular nonetheless.

He has been my husband for a little over a year, yet our wedding is 27 months away.  We do not live under one roof, yet we spend every possible moment together.  I wouldn’t suggest this course of action to anyone, but it works for us right now.

My very best girlfriend took some photographs of us recently.  As I scrolled through them I saw how this lovely man looks at me, how I look at him and what love and happiness looks like, despite the day to day trials of life.





I love this man and all of his niceness.  Despite my personal feelings about Match.com I will forever be grateful that they made “us” possible.

Be well people!


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1: capable of being flexed | pliant

2: yielding to influence | tractable

3: characterized by a ready capability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements.

Life is about flexibility, right?  If you’re not flexible you can cause yourself an undue amount of stress.  Stress leads to worry and worry leads to wrinkles.  Can’t have that!  I am not about wrinkles!

When I started this blog I was heartbroken over my break up with a man I thought was perfect.  He wasn’t perfect.  Still isn’t.  It’s nice that I’ve come to realize that.  I still think he’s a fine individual, but he is far from perfect.  And he is definitely not perfect for me.  I proclaimed at the time I wouldn’t date for a year.  It seemed reasonable given the situation and my mental state, but that statement wasn’t flexible.  And as we all know, I didn’t stick with that for any more than a hot second.  I like men; their attention, their company, their . . . well, you know.  I like men.

In keeping with my desire to be flexible I realize that I can’t put myself in a box.  I don’t believe I’m looking for a relationship right now.  In fact, I’m doing nothing towards that end.  No concentrated effort.  No effort at all, frankly.  But I will quit saying what I am and am not doing.  I will simply be flexible.  Whatever happens will happen.  I’m lucky enough to be spending my time with a couple of really nice guys who, as of last weekend, know about each other.  While they don’t particularly like knowing there is another, they acknowledge our relationship is purely friendship and casual sex and for now, at least, they’re okay with it.  They are flexible.  It’s working for me.

With respect to my running, my flexibility was a little questionable. I ran a lot of races last year.  By the end of the year I was exhausted and I proclaimed on my running blog (which, by the way, is going away because running is so intertwined and a part of my life I cannot separate the two worlds sufficiently for two blogs) that I was going to take it easy this year.  Simple:  3 marathons and 1 ultra.  Flexible?  Meh. . . not really.

As of today, February 16, 2012 I have committed, and put my mind, body and spirit on notice, to run 5 marathons, 1 ultra, 1 half mary and 1 endurance Du (which equates to another half and 56 miles of bicycle riding which = L-O-V-E!).  Oh, and two of the marathons are back to back – the Firecracker Double is what their calling it.  If I survive two marathons in two days I will certainly finish my year strong with an ultra in California and my final marathon in Utah in November (Moab = L-O-V-E!).

I fretted about my original running plan for the year, and what it has actually become but I’m not sure why.  Maybe I think it’s too much.  But I don’t really.  I’m up for the challenge and totally capable.  Maybe I just like to fret periodically.  That’s more likely the case.  I love to run and can’t imagine being as excited about putting my money towards anything else. . . except possibly returning to Hawaii.

All things considered, however, I plan to find myself in Hawaii in December just like last year, only this time I’ll have my boys with me.  My oldest will be on break from his first term of college (I can’t believe I just wrote that) and my youngest will be happy to get such concentrated time with his brother.  Me?  I’ll be happy to have accomplished my running goals, and will celebrate with the warmest of trade winds in the most perfect of spots.  Celebrating my flexibility and a year worth living.

Excitement abounds . . . .

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In August of this year I declared, on these pages, my desire to simply lay on a beach and be.

It was a want I could not shake. Of course it goes without saying that I like to travel, who doesn’t?(asshole ex not included). And I am particularly fond of sun, sand and lovely blue water, but when I put it out there four months ago I was not so certain it would become a reality.

My soul rejoiced today when I stepped off the plane in Hawaii.

It will no doubt continue to rejoice over the next five days as I absorb what I came for. A calm and gentle peace in my heart.

My younger brother is in the middle of a ten day meditation retreat. My brother, who I adore, is hard core. This retreat he’s at is 10 days of no talking (no voice, written word, or hand gestures) and ten hours and forty-five minutes of meditation each day. He’s never done it before but he was very excited to meditate on what he wants out of 2012. After talking to him I realized that’s why I’m here. To spend some time honestly thinking about what I want in and out of my life in 2012. Meditation Hawaiian Style.

I saw the most amazing sunset tonight.



My heart is happy and quite content. Can it get much better than this? Possibly, but in an effort to stay in the moment I must declare that this, right now, is pretty spectacular.

Happy Holidays!

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This is the view from my office this morning . . .

I think its going to be a wonderful day!

I love Portland . . .

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Today was a great day!  It’s a beautiful day in my neighborhood.  The sun is shining bright, but damn is it cold.  Such a good day!!

I ran this morning.  Nine point seven miles.  That’s a record for me on a morning I have to go to work.  I usually run two at a minimum, six at a maximum and eight if I feel the need to push my time limits.  Today I just didn’t want to stop and since I was averaging a 9:42 pace I didn’t have to!!

There was a lot of trash floating around in my head this morning.  Running allowed me the time to rummage through some of the garbage and throw it away.  There is more to toss, no doubt, but I still need to work through it.

**Blue eyes came down to my office two days ago.  He called and asked, after he was already in the neighborhood, if I could spare five minutes.  Man, I don’t like that I can’t just say no.  I had not visually seen him in a long while.  He wanted me to explain why I thought it was necessary to not see each other anymore.  So I did.  He said he understood it, but asked if we could still be friends.  I’m thinking no, but I didn’t say that because it seemed mean and he’s a nice guy.  I said we could be friends, but he should realize that I don’t talk to some of my friends for months at a time and he would probably fall into that category, if I was being honest.  He was okay with that.  So we parted friends.  Actually took 20 minutes to go through all that and on the way back to my office my “missing B” feelings welled up like a freaking volcano.  No tears, but they were right behind the eyeballs just waiting for me to give them the go-ahead.  I didn’t.

This morning as I ran, I tossed all that garbage out.

**Yesterday was a good day.  It started to get tripped up however when the other guy I’m not interested in called me. To be fair I hadn’t told him that I wasn’t interested because I was still on the fence about the holiday party he invited me to.  So it was reasonable that he should call.  Unfortunately my tolerance level was kind of low after one too many meetings, including one that kept me later than usual, and I was worried my not nice self would show herself.  She doesn’t come out often, but I was teetering on the brink yesterday when he called and didn’t know if I could hold it together.

My resolve held and I was nice.  So was he.  He didn’t say anything stupid to irritate my overly sensitive nature and he even made me laugh a few times.  We even managed to have a grown up conversation about why we probably weren’t compatible.  That was right before he asked me if I would still come to his holiday party with him.  No pressure, but he liked my company and it was less than 2 weeks away.  It was a weird phenomenon.  I had been feeling bad because I had somewhat murky intentions of using him for two weeks, since I thought I wanted to go to the party and once we talked about not being compatible and he still wanted me to go to the party I was relieved of my sleazy user tendencies because in a way he was using me too.  As long as we were both okay with it, what was the harm.

The trash of THAT conversation was that I thought Blue eyes and I had a clear understanding of our dating situation and that backfired on me.  Worry crept in about it backfiring here too.  But hey, I ran this morning and threw that bit of noise away.  I’ll deal with it when and if it happens.  The party is nine days away.  I have a dress, awesome shoes and he’s rented a town car.  I’m good with it for now.

**My children, individually, are testing me.

As I ran, I decided to pass on that garbage.  Not enough time in my morning to hash it out.  That requires a clear and concise conversation with God so I don’t do something I may regret.  I don’t like to rush my conversations with God so I put it on hold.  As it turns out, He’s pretty understanding and extremely patient.

**I have five pounds I would like to lose before Hawaii.  I’ve uttered these words to a few people I trust and they all look at me funny and then tell me I’m crazy.  I’m a girl People!  A girl headed to Hawaii – I have five pounds I’d like to lose.  End of story.

I didn’t throw that away this morning because I’m serious.  Five pounds in 25 days.  I can do it.

**I made arrangements yesterday to go away again next March.  Another tropical locale to visit in the midst of Oregon’s rather long rainy season.  This particular trip has great potential to be something I may not ever forget.  Not that I make it a habit to forget awesome vacations, I’ve taken quite a few since my divorce, but trust me when I say I believe this could be something far greater.

I created my own trash on this one.  I made my arrangements and then freaked myself out.  I’m a girl, capable of many things; freaking myself out is clearly one of them.  But I am also capable of calming myself down.

I expressed my concerns to the appropriate party last night before I went to sleep and while I ran this morning it dawned on me that the bottom line is quite simply that these days I am living as I choose to live.  Happily.

My life is an adventure when I choose to see it clearly and this is an extension of that adventure.  I am going to the sun, to the beach, to the tropics outside of hurricane season (HA!) and it will be amazing if for no other reason than I am there.  Present and accounted for and living in the moment.

I intend to practice that statement in Hawaii.  T-minus Twenty-five days and 5 pounds!

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